Assumption (anuman) has no end in sight; as long as human is not wiped out from this world How or when did I make my first assumption I do not remember. Assumptions is alternative for my lack of knowledge - I love to think. I am no expert but many I meet everyday are subject matter expert without any knowledge of the matter.

Hanuman is one who believes unwavering and doubtless about one's own assumption. His mother Anjani (ignorant) did not impart any knowledge to him. Hanuman's father is Pawan (atmosphere). Hanuman only assumed what he saw. He saw what he assumed. He changed his surroundings imitating with faith.

char *f="char *f=%c%s%c;main(){printf(f,34,f,34,10);}%c";main(){printf(f,34,f,34,10);}

The above is a definition of action (called program) that a C Machine can understand and produces exactly the same. Like father like son.

Cell division in a cellular machine programmed with DNA Language produces two cells.

Function or Action defined by itself is called recursive or defined inductively.

The world is recursive. It is defined by itself. Just like the C Program above.DNA too is recursive. DNA machine too is recursive. Each ladder of DNA can be symbolized as one of the 4 elements - 00, 01, 10, and 11. When 00 splits it produces two DNA string exactly alike 00 and 00; when 01 splits produces 01 and 01; ..; ...

The DNA machine is so simple. That class of recursive functions has created all the species in earth of wide variety and still creating. DNA machine is far simpler than a modern computer.

Modern computer is equivalent to a machine that manipulates a string of 0 and 1 - one after another. The machine is just one eyed and can read and change the string element under its sensor (cursor); advance forward or backward the string only one step. With this machine one can automate every present technology and every future technology to come. Only that you have to write an action plan called program for this machine.

From a drop of my blood, a machine of future shall make duplicate of me who would compose worlds perhaps very different than mine and relate to you.

Not all functions or activity I think of is recursively defined. Why should I have definition or purpose for functioning?

I have no definition.

I need have no action plan. I need not be reactive. I am not recursive. I need never assume. I don't know - I do not understand  - need not be the reason for me to assume and be unwavering in my belief. I am an imitator; I need not remain one. I need never believe in me or any one. I don't have to imitate.

Definition may be endless loop. Earth going around Sun without end despite all our thinking and best wishes of all Hanumans.

Do all machine need sensory window or programmed  for explicit purpose to produce thoughts (assumptions) without end?

Why any need have any purpose?

A train of ants marching need evoke no thought.

One need have no words to will after seeing listening and sensing for one's entire life.

This moment - the visible real world - all as is

The invisible presence - the absolute - the meaning

Me - the inseparable both


Ahangar was mighty sword smith who used to live in Easter valley of Afghanistan.

In peace time he used to make ploughs, and horse shoes. Above all he sang.

Many used to come from distant land to hear his song – ‘Valley of paradise’. While he sang, all, as long as he sang, listened transfixed; and heaven could be felt in the surroundings.

After the song is over when silence is broken - all would ask 'Is this paradise real?'

The song had strange lilt and haunting quality; most of all it had a story distantly familiar and people felt they knew this valley.

Many came from distant land, beyond Hindu-Kush, from Herat and Paghman, from Qataghan and Badakhsan, from forest of Walnut trees, from snow capped mountains and from Central Asia Mongolia to hear this song.

'As real as real could be', Ahangar would answer.

'How do you know?' they would ask, 'have you ever been there?'

'Not in ordinary way,' Ahangar would answer.

They would ask where that paradise is.

'It is where the azure sky originate from silhouettes of mountain' and he would gaze at the distant boundary of Mountains.

Ahangar was in love with Aisha but she was least interested in him and she would laugh at Ahangar. She did not believe paradise did exist!

So did Hassan a braggart and the fearsome swordsman who swore to marry Aisha.

'If you believe that valley is real as you say in those mountains of Sangar where blue haze rises, why don't you find out? Hassan asked.

'That won't be right, I know that', Ahangar said.

'Aisha does not believe in your absurd story of paradise; you believe what is convenient to you, while you would not believe what is otherwise. In case you marry Aisha, there shall not be trust between you and Aisha - all manner of evil shall result from this union. You must find your real paradise before you marry her.’

'Do you want me to go to the valley then? Will Aisha marry me if I go and return safely?' asked Ahangar.

'Yes', Hassan and Audience said together. 'Yes', Aisha murmured.

Collecting some dried mulberries and a scrap of bread, Ahanghar left for the distant mountain.

He climbed and climbed till he reached a wall encircling the mountain. With great difficulty he climbed the wall soon to reach another one, then another then another - totally five of them.

Descending the last one he found himself in a valley strikingly similar to his own!

People came out to meet him - he realized something very strange was happening!

Months later Ahanghar the smith limped back to his native village walking like an old man to his humble hut.

Words spread throughout the countryside - all gathered before his hut and wanted to hear his stories of adventure.

Hassan the swordsman on behalf all the people spoke and called Ahanghar to the window, 'Did you Master Ahanghar reach the valley of paradise?'

Everyone was surprised to see how old Ahanghar had become, when he came to the window.

'I did'.

'What was it like?'

Ahanghar fumbled for words, and looked at assembly with weariness and hopelessness.

'I climbed and climbed. When it felt that there can be no human habitation in such a desolate place, after many trials and disappointments I came upon a valley. This valley was exactly like the one in which we live. And then I saw the people - they are not only like us people: they are the same people! For every Hassan, every Aisha, every Ahanghar and for every anybody we have here, there is another one, exactly same in that valley. They are not likenesses and reflections to us; while we are likenesses and reflections of them. We are here, we are their twins ....'

Everyone thought Ahanghar has gone mad from his privations, Aisha married Hassan. Ahanghar grew rapidly old and died.

All the people who listened to this from the lips of Ahanghar rapidly grew old and lost interest in life itself. They always felt something going to happen over which they have no control from which they have no hope.


This story is quickly forgotten as soon as those who have heard the story are dead.


A man spent many years trying to puzzle out meanings, went to see a Sufi and told him about his (re)search.
The Sufi said: 'Go away and ponder this - IHMN.'
The man went away. When he came back, the Sufi is dead. 'Now I shall never know the Truth', moaned the puzzler!
At that moment Sufi's chief disciple appeared.
'If you are worrying about secret meaning of IHMN, I will tell you. It is initials of Persian Phrase "In huruf maani nadarand" - "these letters have no meaning."'
'But why should I be given such a task?' cried the puzzling man.
'Because, when a donkey comes to you, you give him cabbages. That is his nutrition, no matter what Donkey calls it. Donkeys probably think that they are doing something far more significant than eating cabbages.'


A scholar said to ...:
"You often say that our logical questions are incomprehensible to you.
Can you give an example of what they seem like to you?"

"Here is an example. I was once travelling by train and we went
through seven tunnels. Opposite me was sitting a peasant who obviously
never been in a train before. After seventh tunnel the peasant tapped
me on the knee and said:
'This Train is complicated. On my donkey I can get to my village in
only one day. But by train, which seem to be travelling faster than a
donkey, we have not yet arrived at home, though the sun has risen and
set seven whole times.'"
I like this too - it can so easily be expressed in English but no
great men of letters have written them.
A certain Bektashi dervish was respected for his piety and appearance
of virtue. Whenever any one askes him how he had become so holy, he
always answered: "I know what is in Koran."
One day when he just given this reply to an enquirer in a coffee
house, when an imbecile asked: "Well, what is in the Koran?"
"In the Koran," said Bektashi, "there are two pressed flowers and a
letter from my friend Abdullah."

One more Time

Hafiz is not Hafiz if love can't cross the barrier of Pacific or Indian ocean and reach the shores of English, America, Canada, Arabia, Africa, ... , India, Language, or Time:


Young lovers wisely say:
"Let's try from this angle, May be something marvelous would happen,
May be three suns and two moons will roll out,
From some unknown place in the body,
Our passion yet to detonate."

Old lovers say:
"We may do it one more time,
How about vertical or upside down - Swinging on a rope from ceiling,
May be a part of God is Still hiding in a corner of our heart,
Our devotion yet to reveal."

Bottom Line:
Please do not stop playing this Game of love.


I had just kissed the black stone
When some women came hurrying.
They had come to perform the ritual rounds,
Covering their faces with veil.

They uncovered themselves,
They are like rays of Sun coming out of clouds,
"Restrain yourself!" they seem to say,
Since souls can be lost in eye contacts.....

~ Ibn Arabi

A dog could bear

A guard hit a dog with a stick.
It howled as it suffered.
'Why has he struck you?'
'He could not bear to see one better.'

Food of Paradise

Yunus, son of Adam thought, in various channel that the food, he consumes for his sustenance, reaches him truly divined by Almighty and no other. In case he throws himself in the hands of Allah, any how Almighty shall conceive a way to supply the food to reach him. Perhaps thus he might be able to reach Almighty himself tracking the route of food supply.
Thinking thus he left his abode and placed himself directly at the hands of Allah in a place on the bank of Tigris river. He did not wish to beg since he wished to discover the path of food reaching him straight from Almighty the creator. While birds and beasts around him were happy receiving their desires fulfilled in their domain created by Almighty, Yunus received nothing. He spent watching the river waves and fishes and listening to sounds from people busy on their route to home or business. He did not lose hope.
Yunus watched the river and kept his prayer schedule - once decision is taken he is determined to see the end. Two days passed, before his mid-noon prayer he saw a packet was floating in the river coming downstream. He went in the water and fetched the packet - it was wrapped in leaves and tied with palm fiber. Packet contained 3/4th pound of Fragrant Halwa from Baghdad - delicious from the very look of it with appetizing smell, and plenty of nourishment. Belief thus confirmed and in possession of Halwa from Paradise, Yunus thought, if this be repeated every day then surely he would be able to reach the source - The Almighty. He waited for the Halwa from Paradise to come on next day and found the same floating down the river Tigris.
Yunus set out to find out the source upstream of the Halwa. It took many days to reach a place where the river is broad and there is an island, wherein was a palace. From distance he also noticed one beautiful girl came out of palace balcony for a moment and threw his food packet into the river. Yunus now knew the giver however did know the Truth. He could not contain his curiosity to know the truth behind the packet.
He met a dervish in the river bank who was about to leave. Dervish told him that the beautiful in the palace is a princess but a prisoner of an evil just now. The Evil has barred everyone to approach that palace with a spell since she declined to marry him. She is served by many maids in the place but all approaches and exits to palace is barred however. Dervish taught Yunus many words, many sounds, many actions, many symbols, and many prayers; invoking them Yunus could possibly to call upon Jinns and with their help bring down the defense.
Yunus was curious to know the truth of origin of Halwa. He did respectfully whatever needed to be done to bring down the defense. A bridge rose from the river bed and he could enter the palace and give freedom to all the prisoners including Princess. Princess approached Yunus and asked Yunus, how could he be rewarded for the great deeds he has done to free her island palace.
Yunus only wished to know the truth about the packet she threw everyday in the river Tigris. she said that she is obligated to tell the truth to him though private - it is her remnant of daily toilet that she uses for her body from some paste and asses milk. After bath she makes a packet and throws it away.
Yunus realized truth as per individuals understanding - what is remnant of toilet paste for Princess is Food of Paradise for him.
Those who wish to know further, according to Halqavi, the author, this story can be read by any one any time and does not need special conditioning.
Yunus, son of Adam, was Syrian, died in 1670. He had remarkable healing power and was an inventor.

When water was changed

Khidr The Teacher of Moses called upon Mankind and announce on such
and such date all waters would be changed all over the world. Unless
hoarded all waters shall disappear. It would be later replaced with
new kind. Drinking of new water would make one insane.

Only one man listened to to it and he collected some water in jars and
kept it hidden.

On that certain date all water supply from streams river wells .. went
dry. This man of course did not have any concern since he had his
water supply while none had. When new water came through streams,
rivers and wells, all drank the same. This observed them from distance
and found they indeed gone crazy - behaving, doing, and talking
unbecoming of themselves. For some days he remained aloof and drank
from his own water supply till he realized that it is not much fun
being sane alone. He then abandoned his water supply and the new water
and became one of the insane.

Others thought for no reason this acted real crazy but now he is one
of them, miraculously he is cured of his craziness. They thought no
more about this. 

The Three Truths

The ... are known as Seekers of Truth - the knowledge of Reality.
Rudarigh, a great lord of Murcia Spain, decided to possess this Truth. He sought out Omar el-Alawi of Tarragona and brought him to his court and said, "I order you to tell tell the truths which you know and must be told in manner I understand, otherwise your life is forfeit."
Omar asked, "Do you observe in your court when an arrested person tell truth in answer to a question that the truth does not incriminate him, and he is released to freedom?"
"That is so", the lord said.
"I call upon every one to witness this by the honor of our lord, and I will tell three truths and not one", said Omar.
"We must also be satisfied and proof must accompany the telling, that you claim Truths are indeed so", said Rudarigh.
"For such a lord as you are, we can give truths not one but three and they are all self evident", said Omar.
'The first Truth - I am he who is called Omar the Sufi of Tarragona.
"The second Truth is that you have agreed to release me if I tell the truth."
"The third is that you wish to know the truth as you understand it".
Such was the impression on tyrant that he could not deny freedom to Omar.
Those who want to know more, this is an oral account by el-Mutanabbi and he ordained that this episode must not be written down for 1000 years; he has died 1000 years ago. Being it an Oral account, it has undergone continuous change in accordance with changes of time and place.

Maulana Bahauddin Naqshband

was asked 'How is it that ignoble men or infants, as in so many stories, can be spiritualized by a glance or touch, or coming in contact with a great teacher?'
This was his reply:
The great emperor of Byzantium had a dreadful disease. All attempt to cure the same was futile - no doctor could cure! As a last resort in order to save the life of emperor messengers were sent to every part of the world and to all known great masters with a full list of symptoms of the dreadful disease with the hope of possible cure for the same. One such messenger arrived at the school of El-Ghazali the great sage of the east. El-Ghazli asked one of his disciple, El-Arif, to make the journey to Constantinople. At the court of Emperor El-Arif was to effect a cure. He asked what all remedies has been tried, what further cures were being contemplated, and then he made full examination of the patient. Then he asked for full court to be convened next day, where he was to make a declaration how to effect a cure. When all the nobles were gathered, Sheikh El-Arif said, 'It is better His Majesty better uses faith.'
One cleric answered that it was not true that Emperor did not have faith but unfortunately it no longer had therapeutic effect.
"In that case I am afraid to say that there is only one procedure for cure but it is so dreadful that I can't even mention the same".
All noble men in the court prevailed on Sufi to at least let that be known for the sake of the health of Emperor.
"The Emperor needed to be bathed in blood of several hundred children of age less then age of seven." The Sufi said.
The entire court was stunned. It took quite a while for every one to contemplate, if this cure is indeed worth a try. Several hundred innocent children may be slaughtered without any result. So many prospective future to be destroyed for the cure of the Emperor's disease. How to really effect taking away innocent lives of children from their mothers! After long debate it was however decided
that The Emperors life is more important than several hundred children of age less than seven. The death of Emperor may result in destruction of kingdom itself from unknown enemies who can destroy many millions and effect slavery for thousand years to its people. All the mothers were ordered to send their children in a calendar month to come for the cure of Emperor's disease.
This was most tormenting time for every one and it needed great mental preparation. As the time ticked away and the great preparation was going on for collecting of children of right age, the emperor himself was very confused. The mothers of children all willed a cure for Emperor's malady before the day of blood bath. Slowly it dawned to emperor that his life is not really more important to cause death of several hundred children of age less than seven - he did not mind dying and did not need a cure!
The Emperor soon recovered and was cured of his disease!

El-Asafi explained, 'As he had no faith, emperor needed something equivalent to it, this is his single mindedness coupled with constructive desires of several hundred children's mothers for
Emperors remission before the dreadful day - made the decision for emperor to effect the alternative that he can do without a cure. '

When this was conveyed to El-Ghazali, he said: 'An effect could be devised to operate within the TIME allotted to its attainment.'
'A Sufi knows how to administer the science of truth not only to his disciple but to ignoble men or infants knowing their inner condition after proper examination' - explained Khawja (the Head of) Maulana (Our Master) Bahaudin (Designer School).


The great Sultan Mahmud was in the streets of Ghazna, his capital.
he saw a poor porter struggling under the weight of a heavy stone which he was carrying on his back. Moved with sympathy, Muhmud called out to him, in royal command:
"Drop that stone, porter."
Immediately he was obeyed. The stone lay there on the middle of road for years to come creating obstacle to all passers by. Number of citizen interceded with the king to give a command for the stone to be taken away.
Mahmud thought and replied:
"That which has been done by command cannot be rescinded by an equal command, lest the people think imperial orders are motivated by whims. Let the stones remain there."
The stone remained there for rest of Mahmud's life. Even when he is dead, from respect of royal commands, the stones were never removed.
Mahmud was telling those who could understand to obey temporal authority, but to realize that those who rule by inflexible dogma can't be of complete use to humankind.

Time was wrong

Abdul Qadir died in 1166. His shrine is in Bagdad. His descent is from Hassan the grandson of Mohammed. He is known as Sayedna, 'our prince'. When he lay in death bed a mysterious Arab delivered a letter – ‘Every man or animal has to taste death. From Lover to Beloved.’ There are many books written about him, Hiyat-i-Hazrat is onr such. It began like this …..

‘His appearance was formidable. One day only one disciple dared to ask him a question: “Can you not give us power to improve earth and the lot of the people on earth?” His face darkened and he replied: “I will do better, I shall give this power to future descendant of you, since at present there is no device exist to bring about such improvement in large scale. You shall be rewarded and your descendants shall be rewarded for your aspiration.”

Following story is from Abdul Qadir: The man Whose Time Was Wrong.


Once upon a time, there was a rich merchant, who lived in Baghdad. He had a large house, many dhows, many properties, a large business network that extended as far as Indies. He gained this through own work, inheritance, being at the right time and at right place, and advice from Sultan of Cordoba – king of West.

Something went wrong. A tyrant seized his land and property. His fleet to Indies met with typhoons. Disasters struck his family. Even his close friends lost the power to be in harmony with him, though both intended to have social relationship. He decided to journey to west and to meet his patron King of Spain – the Sultan.

On his way, he was looted and captured by bandit and sold as slave. He escaped from slavery but without food and water and most miserable life only from a morsel of food given by dervishes. He looked miserable with sun burnt leather like body – villagers drove him away. Hardly could he have a gulp of fresh water.

At last he reached the gate of Palace of Sultan. Even here he was treated horribly – he was pushed away by soldiers, chamberlains refused to talk with him. Anyhow he managed a minor job at King’s court. It took him three years to earn enough to buy a dress befitting to applying to Master of Ceremonies for admission to the royal presence. By now his behavior and manner was so bad that the Master put him on course and training to make worthy of present at court. All these he endured, and long last after three years he could enter King’s audience hall.

The King instantly recognized him, called him and bade him sit in a place of honor beside him.

“Your majesty, I suffered most terribly these past years. My lands were usurped, my ships lost along with my capital, for three years I battled against hunger, bandit, desert, people, language – I am here now and put myself in your mercy.”

King turned to Chamberlin, “Give him hundred sheep.”

King’s generosity was substantially less than what he hoped for. Anyway he withdrew after customary salutation. But no sooner he reached the scanty pasture with his 100 sheep, a plague struck and he lost all his sheep. He returned to court.

King asked: ”How are sheep?”

“They died as soon as I got them to pasture.”

King made a sign, and directed, “Give him 50 sheep.”

Feeling ashamed, the shepherd now took the sheep to mountainside. But soon attacked by wild dogs appeared and chased them away over the mountain edge and all were killed.

The merchant returned to King and told his story. This time, he was given 25 sheep.

Without any more hope, the shepherd left for pasture with 25 sheep. As soon as he reached, each of his ewes gave birth to twins. Then again twins were born. These new twins were fat and well fleeced and made excellent eating. He now bought more sheep, they too initially skimpy grew strong and healthy; resembled the amazing new breed that he was rearing. After three years he returned to King’s court splendidly attired with report of the sheep prospered in his stewardship.

“Are you now successful shepherd?” the monarch asked.

“Yes indeed.”

“Very well, yonder is the kingdom of Seville whose throne is my gift, go and let it be known that I make you king of Seville.” King touched him on shoulder with ceremonial axe.

“Why didn’t you make me king when I first came to you?” the merchant burst out.

King said: “On that day you took the sheep up the mountain and lost them, had you taken control of kingdom of Seville, there would not have been one stone on top another today.”


This Dervish tale that has appeared in Arabian Nights stories:

Maruf the Cobbler

Maruf lived in Cairo with his wife Fatima. This hag treated him so badly, repaying every good action of his with a very bad one plus loads of abuse. Maruf looked upon her as an example of inexplicable contrariness of the world.

Bowed down with sense of real injustice, driven to extremity of despair, he fled to ruined monastery near the city where he plunged himself to prayer and supplication, calling out incessantly: ”Lord, I beg thee for a means of release, send me at immense distance so that I can find release and hope.”

He continued to plead for several hours when an apparition came through the wall – it has huge height and strange appearance. This is Abdaal – human beings who have attained power inconceivable for ordinary human beings.

“I am Abdel-Makan, servant of this place, what do you ask of me?”

Maruf told him his problems. Abdel took him in his back instantly flew to a far city on the borders of China, a rich and beautiful place.

At the sudden of Maruf in the market place dressed strangely, people gathered around Maruf asking him question. They started jeering and throwing sticks and stone at him. When he was still hackled, a merchant rode by and dispersed the crowed saying: “Have shame! A stranger is guest, bound to us by sacred bonds of hospitality and worthy of protection.” He is Ali.

He explained to Maruf, how he has progressed from rags to riches in this strange city of Ikhtiyar where merchants tend believe and not skeptic, if you tell them story of riches they would believe you and lend you more, but if you tell them you are poor you would not receive any alms. So he told them stories of his wealth on its way and borrowed money, judiciously investing that he made more money and returned the borrowed money – and that is how he became successful.

Ali took Maruf to number of wealthy merchants who bought Maruf story of caravan with priceless riches on their way and favored Maruf with substantial loans. Maruf however unlike Ali was not business minded and gifted away to poor and needy. Months passed but no caravan of Maruf arrived, all merchants worried complained to King about Maruf.

King called Maruf and decided to find out the truth. He set a trap, he placed a priceless jewel in the hands of Marut and asked him to take it if that be worthy of him. Maruf returned the jewel saying his caravan loads far worthier and valuable wealth he does not need this. King got much moved with greed. He decided to marry his only daughter to Maruf and asked the merchants to hold the peace still Maruf’s caravan arrives. However his Wazir advised king that Maruf is bluffer. King ignored this since he knew Wazir wanted to marry his daughter.

Maruf when told about this he told Wazir to tell king that until his caravan arrives he can’t provide for his princess-wife marriage must be postponed. Hearing this King opened his treasury to Maruf asking him to take away whatever need to make worthy of him of a suitable way of life consonant of a royal-son-in-law.

Never any one had witnessed such an extravagant marriage. Riches doled out to any even who just heard about this wedding. At the wedding night Maruf was troubled, ‘I am troubled that I have to account for this to your father, I have taken so much from him’, he said to princess. Princess replied, “Think nothing of it, when your caravan arrives all shall be well.’

Wazir renewed again his agitation asked king to find out about mystery of caravan through the princess at an opportune moment. When they lay in one another’s arm, princess asked Maruf about missing caravan. Maruf decided to speak the truth: “Wazir is right but his words due to his greed. Your father too gave way yourself to me out of greed. But why did you consent to marry me?”

Princess said: “you are my wedded husband and I shall not disgrace you. Take this 50000 gold pieces and flee this country, when settled you send message for me and I shall join you wherever you are.”

Maruf fled the country dressed as slave at dead of night. Princess Dunia was called by king and Wazir for her report. She said:

“When I was about to ask Maruf, a strange thing happened, Ten Mamelukes, dressed most magnificently, arrived beneath the palace window carrying a letter from chief of Maruf’s caravan. The letter said that they have been delayed by numerous attacks by beduines, fifty of guards of 500 have been killed, and a quanity of merchandise – two handred camel loads have been carried off.”

“What did Maruf say?” king and Wazir asked.

“He said very little this loss is nothing however he at once rode off to meet the caravan and bring it back to us.” Thus she bought time.

Maruf did not know where he was going, he arrived in a place where a peasant was ploughing, he sais “Be my guest King’s slave” and he left for home to fetch some food for Maruf.

Maruf touched by his kindness thought of helping the peasant with bit of ploughing. He had not done many furrows when his plough hit a stone. He pulled it away and saw a flight of stairs that lead to a chamber filled with treasures.

Maruf discovered a crystal box with a ring, he rubbed the ring and strange apparition appeared, “I am Father of happiness and what can I do for you?”

Maruf the cobbler ordered the treasure to be brought above the ground and loaded into a huge caravan. Peasant presently returned with barley and pulse. Maruf ate some and gave him gold and claim a greater reward later. Maruf sent messenger to city of his father-in-law to announce his arrival in advance.

The princess did not know what truth is. She suspected Maruf lied to her. King attacked the Wazir for ever suggesting Maruf is pauper. Ali thought caravan is the work of princess in order to save Maruf. All the merchants were happy, so is all poor and needy getting so much gifts from Maruf. Wazir did not believe all this since never any rich ever gives away the manner Maruf is giving away. He caught Maruf in the garden plied him with music and wine, got the secret of magic ring from him, rubbed and got jinn to transfer Maruf to desert, and presented himself to king and overthrew him, and even tried to seduce the princess.

The princess however, when Wazir came to her, got the ring from his finger and got the Father of happiness and deposed him to dungeon, and fetched back Maruf. She freed King, and Maruf became the Wazir. They lived happy thereafter. The king died; Maruf succeeded him. He had a son. But Princess became sick, she left both ring and child to Maruf to take care of them and died.

One night Maruf woke up with a start and found Fatima his first wife is lying beside him. She told her after Maruf left her she got reduced to begging and unending grief. One day she was crying out loud when a jinn appeared and told her the adventures of Maruf. She asked him to take her to Ikhtiyar and she brought there in speed of light.

Maruf explained his position but warned her to behalf herself to be a queen. She did likewise but hated the little prince. One day when Maruf went to sleep she took the magical ring, but little prince saw that and he threw his tiny sword and killed her.

Maruf sent for peasant who was responsible for Father of Happiness Jinn. Maruf made him Wazir and married his daughter. There after they all lived happily and success.


If You have been following and reading this story to the end, and then you would observe that this story unlike any story from west has no Moral. This only depicts series of cause and effect relationship and that is feature of some Sufi literature. This is markedly different kind of teaching Sufi masters wish the listener or reader to have – there is no lesson to learn from life.

Wisdom for Sale

A man named Saifulmuluk spent half his life in seeking truth. He read all books on ancient wisdom, he traveled to every known or unknown countries hear every spiritual leader had to say. He spent days in working and nights in contemplation of great mysteries.

One day he heard of great poet Ansari. He packed his bag and headed for Heart. At the door he found it is written, ‘Knowledge is sold here’. This must be a mistake or to dissuade idle curiosity seeker, thinking thus he stepped in. Inside Ansari is bent over in age was writing poem.

‘Have you come to buy knowledge?’ Ansari asked. Saiful nodded. ‘Give me all the money you have.’ Saiful produced 100 silver coins.

‘With only this much, you can have only three pieces of knowledge!’

‘Do you really mean that, I thought you are humble dedicated man?’

‘We live in the world surrounded by its material facts,’ said the sage, ‘because I know certain things that others do not know, I have to spend money, among other things, to be of service where a kind word or ‘baraka’ is not valued’.

He took the silver, ‘Listen well. First one is: A small cloud signals danger.’

‘But is this knowledge? It does not tell me nature of man, or ultimate truth or for that matter, place of human beings in the world’, asked Saifulmuluk.

‘If you are going to decide what I might tell you, you may better take your money and go away. What is the big use knowledge about a man’s place in the world, if the man is dead?’

Saifulmuluk was silenced.

“Second one: if you find a bird, a cat, and a dog in one place, get hold of them and look them after, till the end.”

“This may have deep metaphysical meaning,” Saiful thought, “it may get clear if I think upon it long enough.”

“The last: when you have experienced certain things which seem irrelevant, keeping your faith in the earlier advices, then and only then, a door will open for you, ‘Enter that door’”.

Saifulmuluk wanted to stay little longer with this baffling sage, but he was pushed out of the door rather roughly by Ansari.

Saiful kept wandering and went to Kashmir to study under another teacher. When he was travelling through central Asia again, in Bokhara in a market place, he saw a man leading away a bird a cat and a dog where an auction was taking place. Saiful thought, ’had I not spent so much time in Kashmir then I would have been able to buy these animals, it appears that they are part of my destiny. But then he thought , he is yet to notice ‘Any Small Cloud.’ But succession order need not be Time ordered! Anyway he looked for the man who bought the animals, and if the animals are still in one place. This man’s name was Ashikikhuda. He only bought the animals out of sympathy that they were cooped up in the auctioneer’s room for several weeks waiting for a buyer. He really had no use for them and was very happy selling them to Saifulmuluk.

Saiful settled in Bokhara since it was no more practical travel with animals. He became a wool spinner in a factory. Three years passed. He became master spinner and became respectable member of the community along with animals. One day he walked out skirt of the town he saw a strange looking tiny cloud hovering over the horizon, his memory was jogged, the first piece of advice of Ansari came into his mind –“A small cloud signals danger!”

Saiful returned immediately to his house collected his animal and fled to arrive at Isfahan almost penniless. Some days later he heard Bokhara was invaded by an army and all were slaughtered dead. And the words of Ansari came to his mind, ‘what is the use of knowledge for a man if he is dead?’

The people of Isfahan were not enamored by wool spinner or his animals – Saiful lived in extreme poverty. He could take no more. Out of hunger, out of desperation, he started crying, ‘You who have been changed, O holy ones, please come to my aid, I am reduced to a state that through my efforts I can’t live any longer, or provide for my animals.’

He lay there between sleeping and awakening, and had a dream as if it was true. He saw a stream and a tree, and a crevice into which a ring rolled into emitting many colored intermittent lights. In the morning he was sane enough to look for the stream and the tree. He found one similar to his vision, and there was a hole near the tree, putting a stick inside the hole he could get hold of the ring. Washing and polishing it, he realized its magical power. He made a small hut and started living with his pet and many wild animals. He became old and were known as Saif Baba. Many people passed by and tried to teach him many things but he waited for the end as predicted by Ansari his master. Staying with the animals he learnt there language too. One day he heard the sparrow telling him, ‘You are so closed that that no one can open your door. So many people have tried in the past but failed.’ Saif Baba was surprised that a sparrow talking to him. He asked ‘how do you know? My master told me to wait till the end. And I do not see any door opening either.’

The bird said, ‘you are wrong, all these travelers were sent by the same source Khoja Ansari himself – your source of knowledge, to see if you have acquired enough insight to follow them.’

‘This I don’t believe, if that be so can you tell me, even with advantage I have over animals, how come I do not see what you see?’ Saif Baba asked.

“That is simple, the animals said, you are so accustomed to seeing in one and only one particular way with your success of finding two truths delivered by your master Ansari, that you do not see any other way; your blindness while it is visible to us all the time, is invisible to you!’

‘So I could have found the Door of the third piece of Advice long ago, if I were properly attuned to it?’

“Yes,” said the dog joining the discussion, in fact the door has opened at least a dozen times in the past, but you did not see, and we did. But because we are animal we could not tell you.”

“Then how could you tell me now?”

“Because lately, you have become more human, and now you have only one chance, since you are already very old.”

Saif Baba thought, “They have no right to say this to me, I only provide for them. But if they are wrong does not matter, however if they are right I can hardly take any chance because of my overcoming age.”

He then enquired with good spirit that can be called by the great ring of Solomon that he found in the hole below the tree. The Spirit however answered that he is forbidden to tell any remedy for his blindness but Saif Baba’s disease has a name called “Permanent hidden prejudice” that rules Saif Baba’s thoughts and makes it difficult for him to progress in The Way.

One day a dervish pitched a tent on Saif Baba’s door step. Saif Baba approached him. Dervish said, “I am not interested in hearing your story of Master Ansari, cloud, animals, and even your magic ring. Go away I have no time for them and your useless talks”.

“What can I do, I feel responsible for animals, and confusion about myself, and there is no more guidance in my three pieces of Advice.” Saif Baba said.

“You have talked sincerely, hand over the animals to me, you have made a beginning, and I shall tell you the answer.”

“You ask too much, I do not know you’ how can I trust you?’ Saif Baba asked.

“You have revealed your concern, your proprietorship of your animal, and doubt about me. If you judge me with emotion or logic, you can’t benefit from me. Go away; verily my name is ‘Darwaja’”.

Now Darwaja means door, Saif Baba thought – ‘could he be the Door Master Ansari talked about!’

“Could You be the Door I am seeking, I am not sure?”

“Go away; I am not interested in your speculation. Don’t you see that first two advices were for your mind, and third piece can only be understood, only when you perceive that they were meant for your MIND!”

After two more years of confusion and anxiety, Saif Baba suddenly realized the truth. He called his animals and let them go, “you are on your own now. This is the END.” A door opened in the tree beside the stream, he walked over threshold, and he saw answers are written about life and death, about mortality and humanity, about knowledge and ignorance; they have plagued him all his life.

‘Attachment to externals’, said voice within the cavern, ‘ has held you back all these years, take here only part of the wisdom still open to you.’


This is favorite Sufi theme – ‘Truth is trying to manifest itself’ again and again to humanity. It appears to each human in many guises again and again, they are difficult to penetrate, and at first sight may have no connection with each other. Only development of ‘special perception’ enables a man to be aware of this unseen process.


Mulla every one knows came from country where fruit is a fruit, meat is meat, and curry is never eaten.
Having newly descended from Kafiristan, Mullah was plodding the dusty Indian road. soon thirst took over, "I must find somewhere that good fruit to be had". No sooner the words formed in his head he saw a benevolent looking man under the shade of a tree with a basket in front of him piled high with juicy red fruits. Taking two tiny copper coins from the end of his turban Mulla handed them over to the man.
Without a word the man gave the whole basket to Mullah, for this must be a cheap king of fruit. Nasiruddin sat down in the place vacated by the man and started eating the fruits. Within a few seconds his mouth started burning, tears streamed through his cheeks, fires were on his throat. Mullah went on eating.
An hour or two passed when an Afghan hill man came by, Mulla hailed him, "Brother this infidel fruits must have originated in the very mouth of Sheitan!"
"Fool, stop eating those, never heard of chillis of Hindustan? Death will surely claim a victim before sun is down!"
"I can't move from here", gasped Nasiruddin, "until I have finished the whole basketful".
"Madman those fruit belong to curry! Throw them away at once".
"I am not eating fruit any more", Mullah croaked, "I am eating my money."

  • Mullah entered teashop and declaimed: 'The moon is more useful than the Sun.' Why Mullah? 'We need light more during night than during the day.'
  • Feeling thirsty Mullah entered the café for a drink. They decided to share a glass of milk. Friend asked Mullah to drink his share first, "I have just a little sugar enough for half a glass." "Add it now, I only drink my half", Mullah said. "Certainly not there only enough sugar to sweeten half a glass." Mullah went to the owner of the café, came back with a large packet of salt. "Problem solved, I like my Milk with salt, I shall drink my half with salt first".
  • Mullah sent a child to fetch water from the well. "Make sure you do not break the pot," and Mullah gave the child a clout. "Why did hit a child who did nothing?" a bystander asked. "Because you fool, it would be too late to punish the child after he broke the pot, wouldn't it.
  • "Congratulate me! I am a Father", Nassiruddin shouted to a neighbor, "Congratulations! Boy or Girl?" "Yes, but how do you know?"
  • "All should share equally in whatever is available," a philosopher was telling a group at teahouse. "I am not sure that would work," said a doubter. "But have you given it a chance?" demanded the idealist. "I have", shouted Nasirudin. "I give my wife and donkey exactly the same treatment. They get exactly what they want." "Excellent now tell everybody what exactly is the result, Mulla." "The result is good donkey, and a bad wife."
  • "You may have lost your donkey, Mulla, but you don't have to grieve over it more than you did about the loss of your first wife." "Ah, but remember, when I lost my wife, all of you said: 'we will find you someone else.' but so far, no body offered to replace my donkey."

Kalim Aziz


Mine is physical labor, theirs - all intellectual.



Your murder is miracle –

No stain in cloth nor in dagger!



HE is all in one – murderer, informer, and judge!

To whom would my family appeal?



Let me straighten your hair,

They shall never bother you again.



Please read my poems.

They reflect my deeds, and so shall yours.



Can your naked past be

Hidden under your civil attire?



Pain or Sorrow do not make them cry or weep,

Them always become song or poem ...



World do not heed my words -

Why is it determined to commit suicide?



To bring light to dark homes on my path – is my job

To whom they belong – foe or friend, I do not care.

I am not sure though of the translation of this:

Yeh pukar saare chaman mein thi, woh sehar hui woh sehar hui

Mere aashiyyan se dhooan utha, to mujhe bhi iski khabar hui

Garden was alive with cry, "Sun has risen, Sun has risen!"

I got the news late, when I saw the smoke atop my Gazebo!

A poem is no poem unless one can't translate the same


Faithful are mirrors one to another.
Trust in God but tie your camel first.
Women are twin halves of men.
Do you love your creator? Love your fellow creatures first.
Die before your death.
The best of Princes is one who visits wise. The worst of scholars is one visit princes.
Anyone reviling a brother for a sin will not himself die before committing it.
Nobody has eaten a better food than that won by his own labor.
Old women will not enter Paradise; they will be made young and beautiful first.
Who are learned? Those who put into practice what they know.
Holy warrior is he who struggles with himself.
A man appointed to be a judge has been killed without a knife.
Speak to everyone in accordance with his understanding.
Who said them?


I do not know how and what shaped the thinking of any place. I can't generalize but there is all kinds of human relationships and activities - parents children siblings marital sexual neighbors friends class mates colleagues community cousins clubs etc. Some thoughts have not seen any public expressions nor written in books but that do not mean they were not practiced. Some by chance gets discovered after many years and we show our expressions of disgusts. I can't change any place in the world nor their thinking.
A Russian mathematician Perelman who has refused $1 million award - in fact he has done this (refusing awards) many times before. He it seems proved any shape without a hole can be shaped into a sphere. For me I am thinking that I could have used this money had I been given. He has his reasons and I have mine.
However I have to change my thinking thoroughly, I have to remain an entity without holes and not harbor worms in it. I can't hold any thought or act or words in this world as unholy or not noble ugly evil or bad and at the same time no act no word no doing and no thought has any superiority over another or divine. This I have proved beyond any doubt without getting recognition many years back. I also proved there is no hole in this world. There are no two points without any connectivity. I have also proved a stronger theorem - no one can simply imagine anything that does not exist - no one is that original. I too am opposed to any any body to dictate terms and imposing its rule on another - what need be done ...or teach any body any lesson - in school college university or fight or war...
The reason for Perelman's rejection however is that he is opposed to organized mathematics and institutions to act as decision maker of what is good or bad work and he did not wish to be a figure head by accepting an award that he is opposed to. I understand his sentiment and what he is talking about. Our President though undeserving to get Nobel prize went there to collect the prize prepared with a speech - his noble act of peace justifying war that All American media appreciated profusely.
Topologically I am equivalent to a pipe and reversible too - guts in and guts out .


Last night I went to bed with my inability to face 'my death' and 'impending insolvency'. I shall not be able to provide adequate resources for survival [of my dependents].
I am convinced of their (my death or my insolvency) certainty. One can come earlier than the other (insolvency before death). That is, my few years before death can be very very painful. No place to stay, no money to provide my dependents that includes me., nothing to expect, and a beggars life to lead. [My determination not to become Buddha any how. ]

All these possible futures are very real. Plus the desirability not to go mad thinking about this is truly a BURDEN.

It is very serious matter for me and I have devoted many years of my life on this problem alone.

I know that my death is the solution to all the problems of the world - more so because I am the cause of it, This is the only reason my identity must remain unknown to any one.
Any one knows of me, shall finish me off definitely to solve his or her problem. Of course it shall solve my problem too. But I am searching
for some other solution than this obvious one at this moment. I am looking if there exist another solution without me dying. In other words - I am not willing to give up my fun of living even though it is unbearable burden of thoughts).

Is there any escape route for me? [Remember Dadhichis bones were required to create the weapon that could destroy the devil (the embodiment of wrong). What is special of Dadhichi? Apparently he was synonymous to truth not having done any fraud ever in his life - but he too willingly gave up his bones - 'TRUTH must prevail'. ]

Times have changed, I happen to be the devil incarnation threatening world peace and existence (having done no honest act so far). My elimination is necessity but then I am not going to give up my life so easily. I wish to survive the death of this world and I do not mind the burden of thoughts that is greater than that of Atlas! There is no way that I am the devil can be eliminated since there is no Dadhich any more. All messiahs wielding fingers and words fixing all problems - healthcare, bank, insurance, lobbying, livelihood, war, economy - pushed our solvency over the edge long before our physical death. Sound of Words no longer has the ability to stop avalanche of destruction caused the silent unseen harvest of poisonous fruits of our deeds. Nature too is not very obliging - it is gorging so much of fossil oil to our shores that no amount of barges would stop it destroying more livelihood than ever.

The monster created by us is our own deeds - our WORDS - we have made mountains out of moles and moles out of mountains! Befittingly we have our leaders who are words and words too - with slights of their tongues - they generate wealth, bring down inflation, create livelihood, cure illness, and bring world peace! SUCCESSFUL FRAUDS. In this atmosphere of words only FRAUDS alone succeed.

Waking up the day you are TRULY happy - you shall know that I (the devil) am no more and you don't need to send WORDS OF HOPE no more.


Couple of years back I found out that some of our esteemed University Professors of Economics do not understand what Lorenz curve is, what possible shapes it can have, and its relationship with income distribution or wealth distribution and its significance in relation to Politics, Governance, Banks, Money printing, or Bail out.
[I do not invite any debate or counter points - I care less if you read my writings or not. This is strictly one way communication]
Lorenz curve whether income or wealth shows distribution of the same over a nation. The curve has to lie strictly below the hypotenuse of the right angle triangle with unit base and unit height. The area between the hypotenuse and the measure of income distribution. it can be zero minimum, maximum being half (area of the triangle, when one individual own every thing, or has all income). 'Zero' is healthy, 'Half' is unhealthy. In US it is nearly 'Half' in fact it has crossed theoretical limit long ago!!!!
How could this happen for a democracy is unbelievable. Does it mean that out of 100 person, only one person works and earn while 99 persons are being just lazy and do not work. No this has been achieved systematically, by the system we have developed by legislation year after year. When Government decides to print money and give it Bank - it gives loan. Banks are supposed return back this loan. However they don't. The money leaves the Bank and accumulates in individuals possessions who run this outfits. However they protected by legislation, and further protected by Government who writes off this Loan and their inability. They are further given loans to recover their loss. No money that goes out of Bank really gets to borrower - borrower only gets some short time material possession - like a place stay - a car to roam around. They simply do not belong to them but mortgaged to bank. While this be so when Banks are bailed out, or loaned money from Government - it is the people of the country is giving equal share to the Bank not out of choice but by virtue of elected officials. When Bank's are bailed out, these entire nation goes negative and owes the loan instead of Banks.
Lorenz curve drops below X-axis in the negative Y-axis for most of 0 to 1 of x-axis till it shoots up 1. Thus income distribution of USA has crossed the theoretical limit of 1/2 for quite some time now. As far As Income distribution goes.
What about wealth distribution?
Wealth is dynamic changes over time - it is land mass, production, value addition, depreciation - but for Lorenz curve it is again One (1). How this wealth is distributed over the entire population? Here again curve should remain between 0 and 1/2. 0 is desirable for social health, 1/2 is worst case. For USA, it is 1/2. How could it happen in so short a time when average American working hard and producing owns nothing but Debt? It can no longer be a surprise.
Here are two links to if one is inclined to know more.


If we divided the income of the US into thirds, we find that the top ten percent of the population gets a third, the next thirty percent gets another third, and the bottom sixty percent get the last third. If we divide the wealth of the US into thirds, we find that the top one percent own a third, the next nine percent own another third, and the bottom ninety percent claim the rest. (Actually, these percentages, true a decade ago, are now out of date. The top one percent are now estimated to own between forty and fifty percent of the nation's wealth, more than the combined wealth of the bottom 95%.)


Brand new world

Unlike many I am not good at any thing. I am being advised how to be successful. I know now it is an impossibility and I do not mind being unsuccessful. To be frank I am bit worried if I by chance become successful. It must be tremendous burden. Our finger wielding, sonorous speech maker chin up looking at the sky well dressed President of ours is realizing already his burden of lies. how come he has become so irrelevant to Americans.
There is a saying oft repeated in India - it is Hindu or Buddhist saying - Karma. No one can escape the fruit of his/her Karma - he/she has to eat that without leaving out even a morsel. Of course many book religion have a simpler route to escape Karma - prophet himself shall come to take you to heaven after your death. In other words you are free to do anything and escape the Fruit of your Karma that is prohibited for Hindus.
I am an ignorant and I do not know which is true and what is truth.
However I have these bits of knowledge not adapted from any book or saying or university but proved my self and I have seen as eye witness. (Further I can see that any moment I chose to re-verify.
There are no two points in this universe that is disconnected.
There is no black or white hole in this universe - further all pair of points in the universe are equidistant.
Most import findings of me is that - at the center of universe an alien entity lives that is not part of universe and that was before universe. Nothing escapes this entity - it knows me knows you and knows all. When I wake up in the morning it reconstructs me and the world so that I can keep doing what ever I wish to do in the same old world.
Waking up, I do whatever I wish to do - I do wrong - I justify my doing saying many things - struggle for survival - patriotism - American dream - XXXism ....
I am an idiot and I do not understand the theory of Karma - I do not have brain enough to rely on prophet to come in person to take me to the other world - free transport and free luxurious pleasure some living for all time to come (in case there is time).
As an idiot I can't answer a question that have been peeping in my mind all the time.
Why the world has to be reconstructed exactly same as I left it when I was tired of it went to sleep. Why can't it be different - why all selfish can't forget their selfishness and starts sharing -why war can't stop - why our president no longer is commander in chief but has the strength of mind to stop the war - negotiate a peace treaty - creates an army of peace keepers where 50% is only men and rest is women and all are equally armed and equipped. Why can't I wake into a world where resources are shared where there is superiority.
I do not find the merit of the same lousy world is being reconstructed by that entity - know all- so that I keep hating my all the wakeful moments - when I wake up.
Why that entity at the center of universe is not an idiot same as me - DOES NOT KNOW - all blundering - and
I wake up into a truly new world that I DO NOT KNOW.
I do not understand Karma nor do I understand why I need wait for my death to be taken to better living - why that can't happen to me tomorrow morning when I wake up.

Free Market

American words are no longer English.
Free Market is never to mean Free Market.
In America alone, a supreme court Judge need never have experience of being a Judge. A President need never have any experience in Governance to head a Government.
In America alone a million innocent children are fighting wars every day for many decades for those who make money from Americanism.
In America alone, every new born baby is welcomed with $125000 debt by legislation in order to give money to Banks to enable them survive!
In America alone, Americanism is sponsored to destroy The Strength of America - Health Wealth Development Education Self-Sufficiency Tolerance and Environment.
Democracy died here many a century ago with sponsorship and funding election. Now corporations are sponsoring Democracy elsewhere since economy has no sign of life.
Truth has disappeared.
ANTI-AMERICAN is the only American free spirit left and that too shall disappear by perhaps the beginning of next month with future sponsored political process.

451 F

In my cruise through American Literature I read voraciously whatever I came across or suggested. I am not claiming wisdom but I got acquainted with what I thoughts – AMERICAN.

decades later I came to read American literature again along with my children in their schools and college curriculum and I sadly realized what I thought American Literature – is not American in America. repeatedly any number of times one is taught Anne’s Diary (70 plus years old written by a child) or American Constitution (rewritten every day by many many adults).

Once upon a time I used to spend lot of time in book stores – now even when I am waiting for many hours in a Airport I do not by mistake get into a book stores. I no longer like to read anything American or American Dream Autobiography or rag to billionaire success story.

The kind of education America provides for its citizen shall not enable them to write any literature of importance any more.

Once upon a time I used to work in Germany. I used sit near a window on 6th floor restaurant alone and watch out to distant Alps while taking my lunch. I was curious to find out more of Germany how it is reconstructing itself is there really great thinkers or writers - the land of ...I did not know Germany but I used to be very pleased to visit bookstores where many hundreds are just sitting on footsteps and reading some book or other and it is normal. There is hardly any space. One person started coming a sitting with me in my lonely lunch - he could speak English to my surprise. I used to discuss thinkers and writers of new Germany - how they are reconstructing the one's great nation. On my last day he shared his visiting card and saw me off to my room. From the card I knew he was the head ..

I did not of course take up this writing today in order to criticize American writers but to praise one writer who every American born must read in order to be able to create new America – He is not Salinger Fitzgerald Heller Vonnegut Asimov Miller Whitman Blake or Thoreau – he is Ray Bradbury!

I am again not going to talk about his nightmarish prediction of America’s education system – that has come true even in his life time – Fahrenheit 451

Instead I am going to write about another book that all American’s must read. Why I would not explain. The name of the book is The Illustrated Man

A man without his conscious choice is born illustrated. Whenever he falls asleep his tattooed body comes alive with animated shows of incidence from past future or present – real and not imaginary. He hides from society since he shall otherwise be killed – no one wants to see reality or know all is connected in this world that too in one single body - self.


words often mean something that does not exist in the realms of words. Often words are abstraction.

If one such word is not god!
what that means is not in the realm of words - it means nothing but some thing little more than nothing.
I am totally surrounded by reality - I could do nothing about - if I wish give it a name 'God' - it is necessary and sufficient. I may swing my arms wildly or shout or jump - if I am capable of I may burst an atom bomb - reality does not change - it still engulfs me entirely.

Is there a superior to this (reality envelop over reality) - if there is one I would not ever know.

Having said this if I write or pen a single dot or word and try to explain or even simply think as I am doing now - I am dirtying the atmosphere or polluting the same - they simply clouds my vision and senses and creates a little hell or confusion for me - my clarity is lost.
I am not only required to do nothing but I must not do anything unless I love to make me miserable for a while.
If only I stop a moment to see the reality for myself -
what I see is not words.

Mother earth

Yesterday I was watching PBS – it was very long program about Obama’s deception. It was presented that there is not even one in the current Government that is not pre-selected by Wall Street and Bankers. Further they claimed it had been so for last 50 years in US Government irrespective of any party. Further they have been funding selection of foreign government - election or political process to place people of their choice. Are they not successful in India Pakistan Bangladesh and various other places – Australia European Union etc. It is a long program, I switched it off.

Two days back the same PBS was telling me about Pentagon Papers ( I was not moved, I switched the channel and watched ‘Everybody Likes …’

PBS often gives me information on subjects I do not need to know – it told me about peril of US farming for its emphasis on bio fuel. It appears there is little savings from it - at most 20% over fossil fuel while there is irreparable damage to soil ground water, toxic-river, and Lake. It appears vast area of farm land is no longer irrigable. I switch channel.

Couple of week’s back I was a mere guest in my own house for some people invited. One of them was a very strong supporter of current president and now disillusioned, and another very strong supporter of financial system of USA. Both are very religious and faithful. I try to poke their faith and fallacies. Both are worried in their own ways about future. Retirement Investments ... Stability.

I just told them things can’t go on like this for ever. Things are going to break down irreparably – the flood can’t be stopped. 36 months!

One can’t be so intelligent that without doing any work - one is untouchable and supreme and have total control on entire resources of the nature. I tried to tell my guests – intellects have very limited power and nature has no reason to abide by rules of intellect. It is not axiomatic mathematical probabilistic or beautiful what we regard is beautiful. Being religious they would like to know more about God truth or vision of God. I puzzle them with questions and they turn violent – they challenge how come I know but all these greats in Harvard, Yale, MIT, Caltech, Berkley or Chicago do not know! I do not know of any knowledge that is proprietary of some named well where you have to buy ticket to drink and become learned.

I am not fighting superstitions!

I am told one sixth of US Economy is Insurance. I am again told Insurance companies are stuffing 80% by outsourcing. While Insurance companies are funded 100% by USA residents, and insurance cost is rising every 6 months – is it not criminal to out-source and for whose benefit? There is absolutely no improvement or automation of service in last 30 years. It was all manual then and so even now! I could not be challenged now since one of the guests belongs to IT department of an Insurance company for 30 years!! That company is laying off in thousands and jobs being out-sourced. He wondered aloud why his job is still there. Does flood care whose hut it is swallowing?

President is doing his best to fund Insurance Industry in the name of modernization. Priority next after bailing out big Banks – too big to fail.

They have to reorder their beliefs and sort them out in their mind. I ask them why China is progressing while Americans are threatened. Why it’s great universities while producing enumerable Phds, Nobel Laureates, and theories, are not contributing an ounce to national wealth. There are countries like India Russia or Brazil too showing booming growth, while there is increasing unproductive mass population here. Does political experiment with Muslim world have any future? Why do we see phenomenal growth in Muslim population at the expense of faithless population among other religions?

I tell them nature earth creates resources and distributes evenly around the world – it does not know and can’t distinguish between political boundary or intelligence or religions. It has no dear; it has no near, nor distant. All points on its surface, in its bowel, or in the heaven are at equal-loving-distance away. It is impossible to have more of anything than you already have – security happiness durability - whatever be the key measure of your choice!

Problem of intelligence is that - intelligence does not need hard work or perseverance – one can be intelligent too easily. Couple of years at Yale or Harvard would do that for any one from Timbactoo or Cambodia – one learns as good as anybody how to bluff or cheat in sonorous voice with speech cut copy pasted from archive of speeches - surpassing any home grown bright star.

It is intelligent to create your puppet president and control all the production of promissory notes and distribute the same in all the places it is sought – stock markets in Mumbai, Hong Kong, Manila, Tokyo, or Moscow. Sit back and relax. Money there creates new billionaires! Banks go belly up but who cares we shall print more!

Stock market does not create a Shilling worth of wealth anywhere in world but it creates puppet presidents!!

Time is not very far when this bogus money is used to place their choice of remote control puppets as President and their choice of staff – all educated from Harvard or Yale!!

Demise of intelligence.

Is mother earth an idiot?


I can’t write anything positive about my country of origin. Although I have been reading about recent Mumbai blast I refrained from saying anything. Lawlessness follows corruption without any delay. With a turbaned self declared technocrat fasting non-sleeping above more economist who has put together a coalition that has no bone and brain like that of Jelly fish and bonded together with one single motive – “self-improvement” – loot mar of public wealth and making that their own! He has bribed all the way to his elevation and bribing every one not to topple him. Such his perception of honesty that he calls himself a reluctant politician! India has degenerated to a level where anybody having little power is exercising the same for self improvement asking for payment (bribe is wrong word) and it is approved by Economist Head of the state. Assassination is name of the day – if you don’t like someone engage someone to bump him or her off. That someone can even be police or (para) military. At dead of night police descended unthinkably in democratic country that too in capital Delhi to bump off Ramdev since he was protesting against corruption. The whole nation stood still, mutely witnessed the same and then digested all the wild media talks circulated. Unthinkable degeneration for a nation! I am not surprised!

It was unacceptable to me however I realized the passive greedy intellectuals middle-class in India shed off their spine quite a while back to evolve into spineless sapiens called progressive Indian. A country that became free from British rule by Satyagraha – mute resistance to Rule of Sovereign. The sign of this progress is the contribution 42% of world’s malnutrition. The mother India is wearing a mini skirt that leaves out about 50% population with nothing on.

I read the figures - Mumbai is as bad as Karachi Kabul or Bagdad when it comes to terror. It has reached the coveted status in 5 years after 2005.

US Finance Rating

I have been crying hoarse about US financial system and its hostage US political and academic system. Over 60 Nobel Prize Winners are from USA. I can’t name one NPW who is not a promoter of their economic theory - any crisis can be overcome by printing money and distributing the same to favored few. It may not make sense to anyone but to only those who make recommendation for NP.

Mahatma Gandhi was constantly supported by two or more female members on whose shoulders his hands used to rest. Uncle Sam today has floated so much worthless dollars that it has to be supported by India (with population of 1.2 billion, its stock market and corrupt political system) and Pakistan ( with corrupt military and .17 billion population). There are other countries too must support the floating of USD by pegging their currency to it because of their unsustainable political system without US military support.

Money is root of all evil. It has eroded Christian values and morals in USA. Borrowing and living beyond one’s means and selfishness are not Christian values. Patriots of USA are the politicians (without exception they have no moral values). Shamelessly they promise and talk as if they all know how to be debt free. They have indulged their life time with empty lies – they only know and care about their personal wealth; and without any care how empty is the nation’s asset! The hunger of politicians is inconceivable – they stop at nothing. The proverb is “A Country deserves the King!” The basic backbone of the country, Christian Values, is replaced with greed, cheating, and the infrastructure to divert currency printed. We do not have industry or produce but we have banks and debts. We have now a system that promotes only those with personal agenda and dreams of making personal gain in the shortest possible route. They belong to Beltline of Washington DC and show superfast progress in our political parties. They are broker for money diversion by making new laws.

Drug dealers’ victims are those who would like to escape reality. Our politicians’ victims are us who value productive work, sharing, accountability, family and honesty. Drug dealers’ victims die before time. Politicians’ victims are burdened with life without means.

Those with unlimited currency now invest in other countries stock market and war. They no longer invest in our country and we produce nothing. USA is devoid of any industry! We do not make anything except bombs. We have produced so much enriched uranium that we have no place to dispose them. May be one day we shall be begging everyone to take our goods for whatever purpose. Despite our entire arsenal we can’t win a war! Back home, we have ruined all our professional services – engineering, medical, agriculture, domestic utilities. But we have super rich bankers, politicians, and merchants. We have nothing to give to the world but American Dreams.

In Putin’s words, we are parasites.


All said and done despite all the horrible selections of prize winners of bias – Nobel prize is the most well known and lucrative award with plenty of fringe benefits for the winners.

Taking advantage of the mileage of name and fame of the award, another prize was introduced for voodoo category called Economic Sciences. I wondered for whose advantage it was introduced. Ever since the priest of this cult have brought down many nations’ economies in the west and pushed them into uncharted peril of economic destruction and that only benefitted a few about 2000 billionaires’ produced in last 50 years. The identity [loss-gain=0] holds true.

This year Nobel Prize in Economics went to some who as usual produced their fictional theories that explains relationship with country’s economy that they only understand.

I have no time to study witchcraft and usefulness of theories from voodoo priests. I am not going to discuss the same. More interesting fact is the funding agency for Economics Nobel Prize and they call it Economic Sciences. How and when Theories of Economics became Science – only voodoo priests know!

Bank of Sweden Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel 2011-1969

(a.k.a. Nobel Prize in Economics)

I am struck by the great economic progress made by their respective countries of residence after 1969. No wonder about 60 Bank of Sweden Prize winners are from USA and other 10 of them are from Western Europe (one is from Bangladesh, one is born in India, an unbeatable voodoo priest, settled in UK and USA for last 45 years).

The Correlation is very striking!

Is the avalanche of falsehood unstoppable? Will ever the nations rise and be productive? Would ever nations be able to bottle up the Genie (Banks) along with their voodoo priests, Economic Scientists, and archive their theories for lesson for future nations?


I do not know what economic strategy Ants apply to motivate its workers and army to create an underground infrastructure and destroy other ant hills of their civilizations and collect their treasure of food and eggs. It can’t be very different from what we human conceive and engage in. Ants do not need theories, books, universities, political systems of any kind, or religion - they know that in their life span of several days.
We humans in the evolution have achieved highest in idiocy among all livings.


Despite what economists believe, their faith that 'money is Liquid' is a misrepresentation. Another term I often hear, economists argue in order to prove whatever points they are making, "What goes up comes down". Money is not liquid, nor fluid, unfortunately not even physical. Laws often stated by economists borrowed from Newton's law of Conservation of energy or Einstein's E=mC^2, are also not true. Money may get destroyed to nothing - absolute nothing and without emitting any energy at all! In fact this money disappearance ability is similar to that of Cheshire cat in Alice in wonderland; used by any number of people to be overnight rich and yet evade taxes or not recognized by any probe.

However, there is some relationship with money and economy.

Prosperity of a region is achievable with money in the form common currency for that region. Prosperity of a region is directly proportional to the time it takes to reach from source of currency generation to its disappearance (not in circulation) in that region; that is becoming unusable either due to inflation or just stowed away in a different region in the name of Globalization, Black money, or hidden asset or otherwise.

Prosperity of a region has nothing to do with any kind of practiced philosophy in that region - Capitalism, Socialism, Communism, Autocracy, Democracy, Macro or micro economics of economists, honesty or religion and whatever.

The currency is generated money; supposed to be equivalent of work done over a definite period of time, say One Man Year and should be time invariant. The definition of currency can be diluted by any preaching of voodoo science or philosophy. This unit may be $20k today, $10k in 1990, $1000k in 1940 in USA.

I shall clarify this further. One man year effort as an unit effort is same in 2011 in USA and in every year, say for instance in 1911 in USA. If one man year effort is $20000.

When Fed decides to pump $2 Trillion in the economy of USA, it must generate 200 Million Man Years of work in US. However it does not - I can name the reasons but it can be worked by you as an exercise. It generates only 2 million jobs. $1.5 Trillion is siphoned without trace by the the middlemen who are supposed to invest or engage man power. With 100 million Man Years available work force we have 2 Million actual engagement from $2 Trillion fresh money injection. With $14 Trillion existing money in circulation we have 14 million engagements. Totally we have about 1/6th of work force is employed while we need 100% employment regardless of practiced philosophy in our region to call ourselves stable and prosperous and we are far from it.

What about in 2012?

Our available workforce shall be 105 million. Our available money in circulation is $14.5 Trillion. If our man year effort is $22000, we can't hope to engage any significantly more than 14 million men. What about unused work force? It is our national loss from unutilized resources. In the year 2011, we have to support them without option by doling out $0.5 Trillion to keep them alive. In 2012 it shall require $0.6 Trillion. In order to reach 1/6th work force engagement as in 2011, we shall need 3 million new jobs and about $3.3 Trillion currency injection. In the year 2011 our debt increased by $1.5 Trillion; in 2012 the debt shall increase by further $2.5 Trillion if we are to inject $3.3 Trillion.

We have to reverse this process not by engaging on talks of our philosophy, election manifesto, or what is right - Capitalism or Conservatism; but by making change of our economic or governance and money distribution policy within region and forget about merits of Globalization.

We have to increase engagement of work-force by investing money directly to the work force rather channels such as Bank, Insurance or Wall Street. We need to cut down import, and increase export. We need be designer as well as producer of finished product and protect our export market by way quality and efficiency of our product. We have increasing debts with increasing hidden money that is being invested elsewhere and competing with our economy in whatever name - globalization. This hidden money has to surface in our region - only way this can be done is by competing with Corporation and Financial Institutions directly.

Our end goal must be 100% engagement for our available work-force and positive balance of trade. This must be achieved within a planned period of 10 years (say). The end goal must be the binding contract between all entities - government, Financial institutions, Corporations, ..., and political parties.

During the plan period, every year we must decide the fresh money to be injected and the manner it shall be injected, analyzing the result of of the previous years' work force engagement, balance of trade, and results from our identified areas of investment.

Economy of a region does not depend on Capitalism Liberalism or Corporate profit must be well understood. Governance must have concrete goal - 100% Work Force engagement and positive balance of trade.

Lastly, I define PROSPEROUS REGION - 100% engagement of available work force and positive balance of Trade.


The other day I was in a temple being insisted on my presence. I needed not be there but I went. I have seen such events many times in the past and I was going through it without any particular devotion. Then the priest or the person who is sponsoring this event started praising the merit of this exercise, I could not then stop myself but clapping in appreciation. It was instinctive. Many pairs of eyes came to be focused on me. Next the ordeal, the priest ordered all to stand up participate in the eulogy song of almighty. I did not get up. Then they started to move around while singing and clapping, I got up this time and went away to my car.

I have seen and known many robbers, just like anybody make many offerings including human beings for the success of their endeavor. Many make pilgrimage to distant lands and promise sacrifices, fasting, and hardships in order to ensure their wish fulfilled. I do not have to know the success rate of their efforts.

If there is any supreme entity constantly monitoring one with whatever device, Telescope or Microscope, and evaluating one's sacrifices or hard work in order to grant one the success, that entity may have to ignore 6 billion others existing in the world just now in order to give one this onerous attention.

This is possible if and only if the same resides in one. Under no circumstances one can hoodwink the same that knows all one's past, one's motivations till this moment and the reasons for one's sacrifice and the hard work.

Time goes on !!


US President in order to demonstrate solid footing it has brought along delegates and dignitaries from all nations. Using Google Map and the most modern random number generator from Rand Corporation, a remote spot in USA was selected. Delegates were flown and driven to witness an unique excavation program. Excavation started and before long after about 150 feet depth a piece of cable was revealed. All were thrilled. President smiled and clapped his hand and restated the solid foundation USA enjoys is its infrastructure - the network of communication!
China did not have to demonstrate its superiority since their 2000 years old Chinese wall is already visible from space as far as moon.
Indian delegates thought hard and invited all the delegates for similar excavation show on the 15th August, Indian independence day in Hastinapur now called New Delhi, capital of India.
In the ground before Red Fort excavation started after clearing off the littered garbage. Excavation went on and on. Everybody expected something novel to happen - like discovery of an artifact say 5000 years old or similar from the time of Bharatha, or at the least image of Ram. Some world delegates expected that a bigger scam than 2G or Devas shall be unearthed. But nothing happened. Indian Premier known not to open his mouth ("You can open your mouth now, I am your Dentist") smiled broadly and clapped in delight, "Do you see? Do you see?"
But what is there ever to see? Every one looked at one another.
Premier cleared his throat seized the world attention and announced - "We can go on and on digging but we shall discover nothing, India is founded on nothing"!!


I am not academic, I do not correct myself even when I am erroneously stating accepted theories that is taught in schools or colleges.
I clumsily remember Euclidean Geometry or non-Euclidean geometry. Fifth postulate of Euclid that is independent of 4 postulates. Given a point not in a straight line another straight line can be drawn containing that point shall never intersect with the first straight line.
It is easy to presume infinity. Long before mathematics was born sitting on my mothers lap, I learnt infinity by counting numbers thinking of bigger and bigger numbers. I calculated the distance of North Pole Star from earth having told how many million light years away that is from Solar system by elementary science text book.
Calculating distance of distant bodies is a pastime for astronomers for many centuries. Sailors found their location in earth calculating angles from distant stars. Then came along Einstein in the world of constants he added another that of speed of light. Then there were others - Newton who talked about mass and gravity that effects motion even that of light. The color of light says more about its source and its spectrum may say how old or how far it is! All is truth as far our intelligence goes or hypothesized universe goes.
Very little to go by - light its color composition gravity and of course our definitive knowledge of earth moon Sun seasons and other planets and their orbital motion. Fortunately for our astronomers and scientists the universe is rather two dimensional - that is as far as their intelligence goes. If it is three or more dimensional then we shall be having economic theories of science that changes so often depending on which party is ruling the nation.
I am digressing from what I intended to say.
Despite all theories - there is truth and it is not distant it is here and now; it is single wire without dimension and all bird nest theories have no option but stick to it without option in order to survive.
Truth is neither finite nor infinite but it is the absolute limit for all theories including that of Euclid.
Truth bends all infinite straight lines into circles. Light, far from exceeding the limit of universe, for ever shall be looping endlessly without hope; it shall be again and again absorbed by truth and let out again to fly within limits drawn by truth. All atoms after creating spectacular outbursts shall be again housed within atomic capsule by truth despite immortal Einstein. Since nothing can exceed truth rather death.
Truth shall be creating newer and fresher miracle everyday. In Easter years it has made hot and cold with finger tips. Today we talk see learn or travel by touch of our finger tips. In future we shall have our metabolism by touch of our finger tips.
Cancer shall be cured by touch of finger tips. But death shall not disappear as much as birth of demon.
All miracles are bottled up in tiny capsule of truth.
If universe is two dimensional to contain our imaginative multidimensional mind, truth is dimensionless!

Living Life Time in a Godless World

It has happened to me many times.
When a loss I can't bear but I have no option but bear since it has already happened. truth can't be undone. I have to lean on truth - I can't escape god - I have to bear.
I shut myself from outside world not talking to anyone, eating very little, only to be near God who is absent in this world. We have religion war relations friends and enemies but no God. Believers, non-believers, saints, killers, mass killers, frauds are all same and has equal advantage since God is absent in this world. God is not there in this logical rational world that includes any.

However God is present!

I am just leaning on it - it is supporting me but also my world.
I let world weigh on me I am cornered without an escape route - if it is mighty enough to detach me from God with all sensations - pain love sorrow anger hunger disease loss - let it try. Slowly impossible establishes itself - I can't be detached by any might or all Mights.

There is God but not in this world!


Buddha was a Prince. He was born in a garden under starlit sky with silver spoon in his mouth suckling honey.
He was not happy and wanted more and better life!
Yesterday I am driving back home after two weeks, I have lot of home work to do. I was to leave two days back but I held back - because I am working in an atmosphere that is chaotic and none is doing anything - hardly they are there for two or three days. Meetings and meetings. Slowly things are critical and everybody likes to avoid accountability and make others accountable. I have joined four weeks back. I am asked to relocate.
No point in complaining - I have no option but perceive all as is - that is in silence.
I started at 11-30, it is Friday, some one called me from his home - asking me where I am.
I am going home. I worked until 3 am, checked the result in the morning. Waited till I found none is in the office till 11-30 AM and left.
About 2 hours later another call, where I am - project manager.
I am going home and I am already two days delayed - I was to go home on Wednesday!
Client is complaining that the whole gang is missing! The gang usually appear on Tuesday afternoon and disappears Thursday afternoon. They all work from home - meaning there by they attend meeting over conference Bridge.
Talks Talks and Talks.
I am here for 12 years - I am yet to see any project successfully completed no matter how many billion dollar is spent unless it is done in China or Korea or Japan. Two decades long wars are lost. It is high time they offshore WAR.
I was deep in thought - I do not enjoy my work! I was driving at 80 mph.
Suddenly, I was rebuked hard. I was jolted by the command that just came from my behind.
"STOP THINKING! You are not brought up for last 62 years with every facility and protection day after day in order for you to think now!"
I am indeed 62 years old baby Prince Tutankhamun and I have my divine job of seeing the world and not to assume or THINK.


I am a born idiot and must remain so all my life.

I focus on the road, I am driving home from a higher command at home, I must be home on Friday.
I had to save my marriage.


Sitting on the balcony watching the busy trunk road, my cousin sitting beside me predicted "he would come back and pick it up."

The man below did not look normal and dirty, he just tossed something on a garbage heap and moved along. 
After walking about 100 paces he retraced his steps and picked up the object he had thrown and proceeded on his way.
She knew a theorem of life that I did not know. It is difficult to undergo loss. 
Some losses does not have any simple solution like just picking it up.

Loss of innocence for example.

Timeline is continuum. All time before 12 AM January 1, 2012 were in 2011. We only celebrate New year!

It is impossible to go back in time despite all theories such as light does not age or die.

However it is possible to regain innocence despite loss of innocence from life long learning and experience in this world.
No matter how brutally we attack it with our theories and experience our innocence only withdraws little bit;
but kind enough not to abandon us forever.

Does any one hire or reward innocent!

Intelligence is rewarded!!!

All theories die - they were born to die - only innocence does have no death - the only immortal - the absolute. 
Innocence is never born and can't die. We can abandon the same but it waits patiently for us to turn back some day and be innocent.
We lose innocence every moment and we become learned of some truths. 

With truths rather our beliefs, We have no option but see them in every moment of our life. 
We are addicted to our little truths - they might as well be called our lies - our self deceptions.
Without those beliefs, we would be able to live our life without expectation and have clarity of our vision.
We shall not be seeing some thing in some other thing.

The journey back to innocence is difficult undertaking but may not be so difficult. 
It is non-indulgence with our learning but doing without little truths of life. Bitter may not taste bitter after all! 

Foolishness may be little victory over one's incapacity to lose!

We can do without knowledge but we can't do without innocence.

Without innocence we shall be predicting our death every moment of our life, instead of living without death!

Living without knowledge is freedom from circles of thoughts.

There is no option to innocence.

Confucius says:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient...........

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly..............

Better to be pissed off than pissed on...............

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in

Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak...................

Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip, girl who sits on Judge's lap
gets honourable discharge...................

Lady who go camping must beware of evil in


Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts........................

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion..............................

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck...................

Man who runs in front of car get tired, man who runs behind car get

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to

Man with one chopstick go hungry...............

Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails................

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money..........................

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk........................

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house..................

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night............

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it...................

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there...........................

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.........................

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs...............

Man who fart in church sit in own pew........................

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .

"A Lion will not Cheat on his wife....

but a Tiger Wood !"

Secret of Mullah

Nasreddin was walking in the bazaar with a large group of followers. Whatever Nasreddin did, his followers immediately copied. Every few steps Nasreddin would stop and shake his hands in the air, touch his feet and jump up yelling "Hu Hu Hu!".
So his followers would also stop and do exactly the same thing.One of the merchants, who knew Nasreddin, quietly asked him: "What are you doing my old friend? Why are these people imitating you?"
"I have become a Sufi Sheikh," replied Nasreddin. "These are my Murids (spiritual seekers); I am helping them reach enlightenment!"
"How do you know when they reach enlightenment?"
"That’s the easy part! Every morning I count them. The ones who have left – have reached enlightenment!"
There are limited established facts about Nasruddin Khodja's life. It is certain that he lived in Anatolia in the second half of the 13th century. An acceptable fact also is that he was born in Hortu, a village in Sivrihisar in the region of Aksehir in the late 13th century, and then settled in Aksehir city, and later in Konya. His tomb is in the city of Aksehir, near Konya. His grave has an iron door with a huge padlock on it. But if one intends to pay him a visit, there is no need to feel dispirited by the locked door. There are no walls around the grave !! There is however a number on the door, when translated to alphabet, it says "I see".

A Mulla Nasruddin story….

He was born in Iran, and in Iran his grave is still there. A strange grave, unique in the whole world. There are millions of graves, but nothing like Mulla Nasruddin's grave. On the grave there is standing a closed door with a big lock on it. And the lock… Mulla Nasruddin before dying made all the arrangements. "You put the key with me inside the grave, so nobody can open the door." Even the emperor came to see — "What nonsense is happening! And this man is thought to be a wise man, of course a little eccentric, but loved by everybody."

The emperor inquired of Nasruddin's disciples, "What is the matter?"

They said, "It is not new. He used to carry this door wherever he went. We asked him, `What is the matter?' He said, `If I take the door with me, nobody can enter into my house. Obviously, everybody enters into the house from the door. So just to protect the house, I carry the door with me.' And before dying he said, `Fix that door on my grave, lock it, and put the key with me. Any time I like I can open the door and just have some fresh air.'"

The emperor said, "All nonsense."

But the emperor also liked the man. The chief disciple said, "There is something in it. He is saying: Don't think that my death is my death. You are putting my body in the grave but I am still alive. My life is eternal."

But he was crazy always. To make this statement, that life is eternal, he has put up this door: "Any moment, if I want to come out, at least I have the key and I don't have to ask anybody's permission. I can open the door, have a little walk, or enjoy around the city. You will not see me, but I will see you."



What is that is present being absent

What is that is all being nothing

What is that is immobile but mov
es all

What is that neither small nor big

What is that never change yet cause all change

What is that can't be expressed in no language

What is that is never born yet bears all

What is that expresses by being silent

What is that reveals by revealing all

What is that neither rational nor irrational or relational


What is that is NOW yet contains all of past and all of future as is.


In order to know Mullah Nasiudin’s secret, one young man decided to shadow him day and night. Beside the river, Mullah decided to relax a while; sat down and made a gesture with left hand and a glass of fine Pista Sorbet was in his hand. He gestured with his right, fragrant hot Halwa in beautiful saucer was in his hand. All these were too much for the young man, he came forward and begged to be Mullah's follower.

“No problem, but you have to pass a test. What do you prefer – easy or difficult?”
“Difficult!” The young man tried to impress.
“You have done a mistake; you should have chosen an easy one!”
“Give me an easy one”. Young man was ready to do anything to learn Mullah’s secret.
“Can you build a fence through which your chickens can enter neighbor’s premise and eat their grains and return, while neighbor’s chickens can’t do the same?”

The young man gave up!

While travelling back I tried to design the same using the advanced devices of modern world, electro-mechanical, or with valve and lever. I too gave up; while I had known that I am carrying such a fence around me all the wakeful moments! 

I am ever ready to take from others but totally against when comes to giving. It is a fence I have built over lifetime and it is impossible for me to break unless ....!

Cancer is curable but human being is notKarma

I am empty

Mechanically I am eating and sleeping. I was flying hard and was disturbing; so I was squashed and flattened as a fly.

I have returned from my maiden visit after 15 plus years.

The place had changed beyond belief and I did not recognize anything.

Hot and humid, the temperature was too high and not a drop of rain. With all that concrete and traffic, rain clouds disappeared and left the place alone. It could rain only in late night even in the monsoon!

Noticeable were some characteristics.

Shops do not open before afternoon and often after 2 PM. Sunday shops are usually closed. Office going crowd do not wake up before 10 AM. They hit the road only past 11 AM. When they reach office, I do not know, since I always came out before the crowd came out.

My acquaintances are prosperous now. They own multiple homes and their buying have not stopped.

Where from all these money is really coming?

Long ago I predicted the economy is in the ruins under the helm of economist prime minister who was hailed as the person who brought about economic turnaround. He adopted the western economic dogma of cure all disease by printing money endlessly and distribute the same to preferred few.

Things are simply not working. Currency has reached the exchange value 60 to a US$, inflation is at 12%, soon all these cars shall be motionless without fuel, all these concrete jungle would make the nation wealth kaput, with agriculture suffering and quality hard work missing, with no buyers to take their goods while ageless religious PM shall be reeling out figures of Growth rate and equally religious potato merchant chairing the Planning Commission will be lowering the poverty line to extricate poor below the line. If you have cash US$ 100 currency note any money exchanger would come in person to your house and take the same paying you more than whatever the official rate. I am told they go to Bangkok straight and not reserve bank. The same money exchange would not cash your travelers check more than US$900 a month at the rate 3 less and saying it is not permitted by RBI.   

The modern citizen is no longer God fearing but believer in miracles and ghosts. It is contagious.

I have become one too – I believe my mother land, somewhere is surviving its demise, and not entirely lost. I was told during my stay that ghost too has future!


From: Kamal Kumar Roy

Please do not do anything in haste. Nomu wont know anything, how to handle the whole thing - nor shall I be able to use it here. I have already found out is the paperback available online -from - price only Rs 325.00. They deliver the book in a day or two, to your addres. I have used Flipkart with very good experience. Please dont bother. Love...

On Mon, May 28, 2012 at 7:47 PM, kankan roy at gmail <> wrote:
It does not matter, it can be downloaded instantly to you kindle at Chhodi's place. You can read it there after without problem even in Nightingale. I have already sent the excerpts to your kindle. Kindle keeps up charge for 9 hours. Most probably you shall be able to access internet from Kindle using USB wifi that you have. At Kindle, right hand corner would show what all Wi Fi locally is available. Once downloaded you don't need Wi Fi.
I am sure with your USB WiFI pen drive you can make Kindle use wifi. You only need that that configured which is easy. I was given a demo by Aircel while I was in Kolkata. Kindle has 6 gb and it can accommodate at least 1000 books. There are only three books just now in it.

Sent: Monday, May 28, 2012 10:03 AM
Subject: Re: I am empty

Yes this was the book I had in mind. but no use getting it in kindle - which I have no way of using now - no WLAN in Nightingale nor any at my place. Dont bother. I shall try to get a paperback/hard-copy locally. It seems I have to stay at least one more week at Nightingales. All the best.

On Mon, May 28, 2012 at 6:11 PM, kankan roy at gmail <> wrote:
is this the book?

The Emperor of All Maladies [Kindle Edition]

I can deliver to your kindle just now.

What do I believe ....
And Cycles of the same?
I pray to you and none else for your recovery. I believe in you.
Pranam neo.

Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2012 7:39 AM
Subject: Re: I am empty

Dear Kankan,
I do not believe in any kind of spiritual/miracle cures. Frankly speaking, my inadequate effort is not in search for cures - more directed towards making some -sense regarding the nature of my affliction - as per medical science of today. All the best ...

On Sun, May 27, 2012 at 12:51 PM, kankan roy at gmail <> wrote:
Dear Chhorda,
I am superficial and I learnt to be superficial all by myself defying all experience and learning. I know "I am what I am and without a choice"; I know "I don't know"; I know "All is me and I have to bear all without choice and I can't change". I can't change Joya Maman, Soham, Tumi, Chhodi, Didi, Jamaibabu and the world with my little words - all are me and I have to bear all in silence. My failure to change any, I have to bear in silence without any ado. I have made the place ready - I tried my best and accomplished the same. But it is impossible to change my family. Someday perhaps they shall change their mind and you shall avail it. I can do that much.
What I think good is not true; what I think is bad is not bad either. All is my imagination.
I know "Truth I can't change and none can change" it is absolute and it is present - it contains whole of past and whatever future you may chose to predict." If there is an almighty it has to be truth first and me to see and not imagine.
These circumstances is same for every one to a amoeba to an elephant.
I have gone through these search for cure along with Amalendu Hom Chaudhuri while he was suffering from similar disease in Delhi. He also went through a spiritual search going to several places in India along with Chandra.
Whatever disease you may have - you have - but the ease must come from you with blessings from the mightier than almighty within you - That is truth and the absolute - never born.
Take (tomake), amar sata saharsha pranam.

Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2012 1:34 AM
Subject: Re: I am empty

Dear Kankan,

Didn’t hear from you since you left. Much relieved after receiving this note. Must have settled yourself and gone back to your normal activities. I am fine here, as much as is possible under the circumstances – do not get unnecessarily worried or troubled. Your visit certainly touched me as I have expressed earlier to you. Doctors and all other medical support staff are doing their best for me –I can only appreciate with overwhelming gratitude.

I am still at Nightingale. With such an insignificant role in the cosmic scheme of things an individual human being has very little ability/power to make even a minuscule change. But the indomitable human spirit fights against all adversities and strives to conquer the odds and obstacles. It is this never-give-up attitude and search for new ways – one should respect, understand and value most. One doesn’t know what the future holds for me – but one has to fight one’s own battle –which I am trying – at least from the mind and spiritual angle – in spite of my present physical limitations. Trying to read up some material regarding my maladies from internet and other references supplied by my doctor – surely a much inadequate and a layman’s effort to make something out the whole business. Apart from any result yet to show from my treatment, I am fine mentally and physically.

I am disappointed to note the cynical attitude expressed in no uncertain terms in your mail “I am empty” regarding Kolkata, our country and the whole world in general. You are mainly a dreamer, mostly living in a world of fantasies and romanticism. In my humble view, your observation is also much superficial and casual – without trying get into any deeper perspective.

On a personal note, I have noted your concern for me. You had lofty plans to help me rehabilitate – and I did agree provided you could implement what all you envisaged in your lofty plan. Unfortunately things didn’t materialize the way one wanted. No problem though. As I have said earlier one has to fight one’s own battle – win or loose whatever be the outcome. Please don’t despair. I am fine shall be so in mind and body, as long I live.

If I sound to be a bit sermonical and critical in this note please ignore and discount them totally as ramblings of an old and perhaps a deranged(?) man. Please always remember that you are and shall always be my most loving and affectionate brother, and I know very well of your earnest love and concern for me.

Hope everything is in order with Jaya, Soham and Mamon. With all my love to you all.


On Sat, May 26, 2012 at 4:29 PM, kankan roy at gmail <> wrote:

I am empty.

Mechanically I am eating and sleeping. I was flying hard and was disturbing; so I was squashed and flattened as a fly.

I have returned from my maiden visit after 15 plus years.

The place had changed beyond belief and I did not recognize anything.

Hot and humid, the temperature was too high and not a drop of rain. With all that concrete and traffic, rain clouds disappeared and left the place alone. It could rain only in late night even in the monsoon!

Noticeable were some characteristics.

Shops do not open before afternoon and often after 2 PM. Sunday shops are usually closed. Office going crowd do not wake up before 10 AM. They hit the road only past 11 AM. When they reach office, I do not know, since I always came out before the crowd came out.

My acquaintances are prosperous now. They own multiple homes and their buying have not stopped.

Where from all these money is really coming?

Long ago I predicted the economy is in the ruins under the helm of economist prime minister who was hailed as the person who brought about economic turnaround. He adopted the western economic dogma of cure all disease by printing money endlessly and distribute the same to preferred few.

Things are simply not working. Currency has reached the exchange value 60 to a US$, inflation is at 12%, soon all these cars shall be motionless without fuel, all these concrete jungle would make the nation wealth kaput, with agriculture suffering and quality hard work missing, with no buyers to take their goods while ageless religious PM shall be reeling out figures of Growth rate and equally religious potato merchant chairing the Planning Commission will be lowering the poverty line to extricate poor below the line. If you have cash US$ 100 currency note any money exchanger would come in person to your house and take the same paying you more whatever the than official rate. I am told they go to Bangkok straight and not reserve bank.

The modern citizen is no longer God fearing but believer in miracles and ghosts. It is contagious.

I have become one too – I believe my mother land, somewhere is surviving its demise, and not entirely lost. I was told during my stay that ghost too has future!

From: kankan roy at gmail <>

Perhaps all true but then I no longer believe truth, diagnosis, or name.
I know all the symptoms is due to starvation bad appetite and cough and treatment resulting very low blood count and rbc.
I don't believe if Chemo treatment is not started immediately he is going die. The reason for low blood condition his habitual living under extreme condition with extreme medicine. Despite good nutrition and normal treatment the condition persist and blood count starts dropping, time is not running away for Chemo Therapy.
I shall be there May 10-20, please do not start the treatment when I am there.
I do not know when in the evolution process CLL is being written human body. I am not BELIEVER OF GOD FORGET ABOUT DOCTORS AND THEIR DIGNOSIS AND TREATMENT.
Can you cure his disease?
I also know I can't stop all these when the patient himself is believer of disease.
Folded hand I request you all kindly do not treat him with chemo before I leave Kolkata even if GOD ALMIGHTY TELLS THE SAME IN PERSON TO YOU ALL.

Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 9:00 PM
Subject: Re: Please do not start any chemo treatment right away

kamalda is sufaring from CLL (CHRONIC LYMPHATIC LEUKEMIA)witth a
total count of 86000.mono 84% low hb% low platelets and cardiac symptoms-needs urgent treatment.

From: kankan roy at gmail <>
To: Dr Kishore Nandi <>; Kamal Kumar Roy <>
Cc: Namita Kar <>
Sent: Saturday, May 5, 2012 11:32 PM
Subject: Please do not start any chemo treatment right away

Kindly give at least one month time before any Chemo treatment. Please take second opinion.
Chorda is already suffering from his diagnosis his own treatment for last fifty years and he had no cure but only after effects.
There must be alternative health recovery from Nursing and regular diet.
I suggested it one year back it was turned down by Chhordi who too is suffering from own treatment and more than needed knowledge of Medical and medicine.
KINDLY wait till one month before starting any chemo therapy. Let there be only diet and regulatory health food only - no steroid no antibiotic before starting CHEMO PLEASE.
Excuse me I am not believer and not even God!


I have been floating in the sea of life. I have sunk many times and died before!

This is another time. I do not know who repairs the bag and fills me with air and floats me again.

In the ISI hostel, there used to be a bread supplier. In the mid day he used to take bath and swim in the pond before the medical unit. Often I used to do the same away from classes. He used to be a long distance swimmer even swam in several seas. He taught me how to float without moving limb, breathing normally and slowly let out any water if enters the mouth, keeping the nose just above the water surface. It was not difficult. In Bahrain when I used to just float like this in the Persian Gulf, some would spray water on my face and wake me up from my sleep.

When I am heavy with events that I can’t digest, I sink into truth – I don’t know.

Many incidents cross my mind.

Sejomama came to see my mother. I saw his legs were somewhat swollen. With his characteristics innocent smile he was explaining that his blood veins in the eyes have burst; he sees a screen and his eye sight is hazy. He had come from Madhupur staying with Mejomama in Jadavepur. My mother was in Baranagar. He was not carrying any stick. Some people helped him to get in the bus. I took him to Jadavpur the next day. He was beyond any need. Shortly afterwards I was informed that he had died in Madhupur. He closed all doors and windows the night he died – he did not wish to be disturbed!

I don’t know why I went to see Chandra on that summer day in Delhi. Amuda used to be alone himself in the adjacent room to the living room. For some time I was talking about Sejomama with her about my admiration of him – my courageous hero who I never saw without a smile – the same dress of Dhuti and shirt palm shoe brushed hair eating pan. Amuda was in the last stage. He was not going to office or doing office work at home. There was slight sound in the room, Chandra called out – Kankan is here – by way of informing. He came over and sat down in a sofa. He pulled his pant little bit deposited on the table. I saw they were swollen. That was what I last saw of him. His condition deteriorated. Chandra called his eldest brother. Amuda shifted to Chandra’s room. At night there was breathing problem, on the way to AIIMS Amuda died.

In another time, I asked Chandra not to come to my place. Before going, Amuda said that he was not responsible. Amuda liked to live in style within his ability. He was not much of a reader, not much of a believer but did not disbelieve. He used to refuse all monetary help saying that he could not be helped. Chandra learnt nursing to help him with medication during his seven years of illness.

During my 12 days in Kolkata, I spent about 12 hours total with Chhorda. To me he looked normal. I wished he would get up and throw away all these tubes declare I am OK, I am going out. It did not happen. I expected this to happen anytime. I am not believer of medicine or disease. Nothing is serious or merits serious consideration. I see but I can’t interpret. Essentially I am an idiot. I do not learn. I saw stream of visitors for Chhorda – he was assuring everyone that he was fine. I wanted him to insist on going home and not be an obedient patient. I wanted him to go back to playing bridge or something but not be in the hospital. I tried my best to extricate him from hospital ...

I tried to reach him from airport. I have been informed all the AC is installed. Fridge and Washing machine has been delivered would be installed following day. So is curtains and bare furniture.  I had paid Santu to bring in Chhorda’s materials from his place in two days. I have arranged for TV Cable and Internet. I have already talked with many for driver and help. They can be instantly arranged. But there is problem from Jaya Chhordi and Didi. The problem was surfacing from night before. The idea was not mine; it came from Zinia aided by Jaya. I had made sure that the course can’t be changed. But it is characteristic of Jaya she would go to any extent to spoil harmony. She had done it.

“I am going to go back to my Baguihati flat from hospital,” Chhorda said. I started calling frantically Didi, I can read her mind no matter she may say. I could not reach her for about 15 minutes, she stayed at home. She of course did not want that Chhorda shifts to Jaya’s flat, or Chhordi. Jaya already started doing business with me, she would go any extent to harm me or her children for perceived gain and she is unstoppable since she has complete support from her family. We stay away from her.

Chhorda, by the way, informed some count has deteriorated in his blood. I do not care for such count. With healthy prospective future he shall be alright otherwise keeping healthy is problem. Right now, it can’t happen – with combined attack from four persons whom he naively assumed means his recovery.

I realized that I could be of no use to him. I started ringing one after another Santu Shovan Madhuda Pijushda – my voice about disappeared. I was holding the phone but could talk nothing. Hope against hopeless is only Chhorda who would fight against all – alone and win. He has already won half the battle by saying that he is going to go back to Baguihati. He has to do that!

He has to get out of the hospital and be himself.

What about me?

Someone would repair me at the bottom of sea; make me afloat again to be punctured by the bites of sharks filled sea; this time perhaps I shall be able to bear in silence and not cry.

Tobe Keno Kadi


Why then I cry?

I see in front of me the blemish less infinite as far as my senses go.

In this present, where is sorrow and why do I cry.

In the lay out, I may sit down just now and relax or move in any direction if I please. I may remember from where I was and predict where I may go. I may shiver in excitement of expectation. I may calculate cost of living for the next moment or year and grow cold feet on my inability to survive that long and my ability to bear my expense and keep my sheltered in my house. Anything can happen anytime!

Can there be another goal after reaching my goal?

I was worried stiff and shouting at Soham about his goal – when is he going to graduate?

He shouted back at me what is my goal. What are you doing with two laptops? What are you achieving?

Frankly I had no answer. I have been earning without any hard work at all – I may consider that I am responsible for the earnings but truly it was happening without my merit.

Why should I write?

Why should I talk?

Even if I talk, am I doing any good or bad?

I do not make an iota difference to this world with my actions; in fact I can’t do otherwise. I am a puppet – I speak and do or don’t – without control and without mind.

All is always my dream. I can’t scratch the surface it is stain proof – scratch proof. It is forever slippery and nothing to hold.

It is scary if I know. I am unstoppable and forever gliding - when I know.

Timeless infinite beauty and care is all around me; all is complementing me before I even raise my eyelid - when I not know.

Why should I lament? Why should I blame when I decide what my present is and experience the same?

Why should I care to know? 

Tobe Keno Likhi?

Why do I write?

I have asked this question many times.

Writing relieves lot of pressure in me. But then why I publish? Why do I expect reciprocation and some meaningless eulogy or criticism?

I extricate myself several times. But yet I send some emails hiding my identity. Now I shall be stopping that too. I do have no right to invade or trespass.

I have put it in my website thinking they shall be dug out by search engines. Those who want to read then welcome.

I do not just throw away this garbage; I do not bury the same – let them be there in my website - I do not know the usefulness of my writings. Someday when I may not renew the site, they shall disappear.

By the way of informing, Chhorda mentioned ISIKolkata. I told him it was built by me, almost entirely for two years till I gave it up. I did not tell him the reason - I sincerely thought I could change thinking, motivate people to be open. Instead I saw people enjoy jostling each other, enjoy to pull curtain over their eyes and refuse to see. Chhorda said now it is 500 strong but I am no admirer of numbers. For me, I have failed with ISIKolkata but it may not be failure at all. For me when I left it was 135 strong!

I can't change anyone. I learnt it with ISIKolkata. I am about saturated with Silent Spaces.

Sob Acche Aami Nei - Aamake Paoa Gelo Na - Aamake Paoa Jabe Na

All is present I alone is absent - my one and only goal - in words and in action.


The time stood still. From the moment I went voiceless in the Delhi bound Airplane.

I did not inquire and it appears nothing happened either to Joya's flat. It is now her alone to do whatever - I died the moment she stepped in to flat and took possession. 

While every moment is miracle but it escaped me forever. So much so I may start giving sermon that I do not believe in miracle.

Who cares what I believe in?

Certainly not the one performing all the miracle!

Every moment of my life is a miracle - exactly in place smooth without rough edges boundary or stitch or an alternative!

dream is dream never true

love is love never true

This moment is real and true

Life is miracle all housed within a single moment with space remaining

Words are useless divisive always false

This moment is a MIRACLE.

ব্রম্ভ সত্য জগত মিথ্যা

Human or for that matter any living cellular being is consisting of sense or and thinking organs all made cells, with similar structure and composition but with differing amino acids with differing physical properties; these cells are forever creating illusion about the beings' surroundings - its perception feelings idea of distance order similarities and difference and an unique concept of 'I am living and I must survive'. The whole thing what we call is Jagat or my world. It is an illusion undecipherable undifferentiable and meaningless. 

My world is reflexive - I see whatever I believe - all is my imagination while I don't know.

Different cellular beings with different cellular composition unthinkable in my present composition would have totally different perception and science technology art literature mathematics that would have no common basis. Many alternative universes may co-reside without any knowledge of the other in their entire life time. Such is falsehood and illusion.

This statements that I am making can’t ever be falsified by any of these alternative worlds – them (many) do exist; since my world is one of them. 

My world simply disappear so often - that I can’t but regard my world as very transient; its absence however is permanent, when my world disappears into that space without trace. If this permanent abode can disappear or has another shell – I would never know nor it is important! 

My permanent and ultimate abode (Bramha) is truth without which my world can never come into existence. My permanent abode is me (I am direct witness of the same) but it is not my world (Jagat).

My world is entirely false with all its contents - past present and future earth solar system milky way universe.

Perhaps coexist with other transients from my world and or some world unimaginable by my physical composition of human cells.

All theses world being part of the one and only truth that permanently exist and them all transient!

My brother is no more

There is none dearer to me than him. He is living and remains live. I have a private inseparable link. I am linked for my life with him. We are Corsican brothers. I learnt to think under his care. There were many similarities. Name – DOB – my son and his DOB. Last night it was past 12, I was told he has no heart beats, while on the phone I was told it has come back but pressure was too low. The night before or yesterday, he was online. His image got popped up informed by Google Talk. I calculated India time, it was about 9:30 pm. apparently he got a massive heart attack, he was in deep pain. He was to ICU around 1:30 AM. It was about 9 hours after he was declared dead. It is his birthday even same weekday.

During this time, I could think or do nothing. I was in touch – I knew the solution is his. For long time he identified himself with a mythological character Bhisma, the celibate great warrior, he had a boon that he could will his death. One week back he wrote to me that he is going to stay at Nightingale for another week.

While I was in Kolkata, I tried hard to make arrangement for rehabilitation after Hospital. I realized that it was not possible – three persons do not want it, I do not own a house. In fact I own nothing for myself to give to any. I was duped in believing – I made a fool of myself him. As usual he characteristically took the decision unto himself that he would not be moving there. It took me about three hours to fill in the gaps.  It was First June a week back he wished me on my birthday saying “Let my life be full of enjoyment –

শুভ জন্মদিন আনন্দময় হোক তোমার জীবন |



I wrote him my last email but he did not receive it – I only hoped for the last time he would look at it in Nokia but he willed his death before receiving the same.


প্রিয় ছোড়দা,

শুভ জন্মদিনে তুমি আমার প্রনাম নিও ৷



Truth prevails – I don’t know

I sit tight – I can’t move – emotions of all colors go over my body. I am running fever for one week. Yesterday I took bath. Today I shaved. Yet I am sleeping over twelve hour a day. Not reading anything but glued to my computer for email messages on my brother. For while I could not accept the truth – my brother – the process has ended forever. I can’t pick a phone and talk. I can’t write something for his view. I can’t send something for him to receive. There exist a permanent barrier between him and me. I can cross the barrier and be him. Within the fence I don’t have my gift that was mine for last 62 years.

About  a month back before he got admitted into hospital – he dreamt his departure – he is going with mother and we were left behind. During his second heart attack he in pain was crying ‘Ma’ ‘Ma’.

Truth is that he is no more. None can change this absolute. I don’t know anything more than that.

Yet I talking – writing!

I am in the road to recovery. Am I not? Can I be again my silly proud self?

I am already about my previous public false self. I am collecting laurels heaped on his departed soul and filling my empty bag of bones assuming they are mine!

What is unique about him? He was always positive literally - physically mentally financially.

What do I learn from him?

I must be positive now – I must stop now and see for myself that I am supported by my inexhaustible self and not by my surrounding world including my body.

This one loss made me totally humble – I could nothing but sink I was not even capable of eating or get up from where I was lying.

I do not know the story. I do not wish to know either. I have heard something – I am dead against any cure that can’t heal completely like Chemo therapy or Steroid. I was dead against that and to be used when normal treatment fails. I also assumed his heart perhaps was OK when normal tests showed no problem. But it was not perhaps true, certainly he had heart problem more than his predicted Leukemia that he liked but of course he was not sure. First time I met him he talked about Shankar Mukherji’s book. But when I was about to get the same – he said me not hurry up till he goes home.

The sprinkles of enzymes that make the heart contract or expand in spasms were not enough to circulate blood all over the body.

Did he know he is going to die in the hospital – subconsciously yes when I left Kolkata. He came to realize that he has to go back to his Baguihati home – can expect no help from Chhordi or Didi. I knew that but I too was shocked beyond my belief that Jaya did not want him to be moved to Kalindipur.  I was speechless. But Chhorda took it in his stride. He was quite prepared to die – this only strengthened his resolve.

Do we call Truth as God?

Truth is always superficial – NOW and nothing deeper than that.

If words or thoughts too are not some trace amino acid or proteins they come out like fishes some crevices of brain make their way to organs and make them function in purely mechanical way. When that does not work as expected – all alarms are sounded for attention for external help!

I do not know.

Truth prevails


Familiar words – it just now sinks into me that I can’t survive in my world.

I am struggling for long – 62 years but I have to give in – I can’t survive.

Chhorda died an honorable death; he did not have to take support from his near ones for survival. He just went down in a hospital paying for all his expenses without taking any help from his relations.

He was lauded for his achievements with love and affection. All around him benefitted from him, while he never shared their honor nor even indicated that he was indeed the instrument for their honor. Some admitted and some preferred to remain quiet.

He indeed was like Bhisma – the great grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas. He upheld the throne even when it was occupied by blind. One is about clear from the outpourings of messages on his death – he was the pillar of Statistics in the Indian Statistical Institute.

He taught everyone – students contemporaries and his teachers what is dharma of a teacher – ‘Selfless and giving’ and not ‘Self promoting and asking’.

He truly had remarkable stamina. He expected nothing! He left ISI without any emotion when he was asked to go. He did not ask for money or honor during his life time. He had no complaint!

Towards the end, he understood all those surrounding him were not interested in his survival but what he is going to leave behind.

Sakuni waiting for Bhisma’s death!

My world is essentially his world. He saw his struggle to survive tamely gave in – for a while he thought some are genuine in the selfless giving. He saw it through. Sakunis are waiting for his death.

One called me up expressed his condolence – “he relieved all by his death!” I repeated, “yes he relieved all!”

Now they can celebrate with tearful eyes and words; and look holy respectable relatives grieving their sad loss and secretly relieved.

Why should I throw mud? I too am in the same situation. I have to die exactly in the same manner giving relief to my relations of their responsibilities and enhance their securities by my death.

I remember ‘Sakha Prasakha’ from Satyajit Ray.

I too can’t blame! I was not informed when he was conscious; I was informed when his heart beat stopped. Factory in the brain where enzymes are created to beat the heart still in being manufactured – his started beating again for some more hours; I tried to put my insane brain to sleep to be informed about his clinical death 8 hours after.

It is miracle that he did not survive. He completed his expected tenure in the hospital.

Two birds are about to be killed in stone. One is real and dead; the other is imaginary – me, sick not fit but not clinically dead.

I am misfit in my own world – the equation is balanced only when I am eliminated truly – till then I am suffering – I am insane and unbalanced. Every word I utter or write or don’t – is manifestation of my insanity – my sickness – my incompatibility with my world.

I can’t kill myself – I am sick and I must die natural death to escape my world.

I have only one option – I must see my world as is till my end or my world’s end – whichever comes first. I don’t have to research my world or know my world. It was my fault that I made it wrong so much so I do not fit in it. It is OK that I do not have a place in my world.

I leave outside my world without shutting my eyes out of fear or shame or pain. I do not ask. I consume all my feelings. It is OK even if I fail in the process. I vomit or cry. I writhe in pain but do not try to belong.

I am nothing and my world is nothing. I can’t be somebody nor can I possess something. Truth prevails!

Adi Parva of MahaBharata has several short stories.

One is of fairness justice and honesty – Raja Harischandra.  When it was time for him to leave the world, he proceeded with his kingdom to the next world. He was part and parcel of his world – he could never differentiate himself from all his people. Next world does not have this concept. A new world was created to accommodate his kingdom as a whole – Trisanku – third world.

One is the story of might. MahaBali became mightier than almighty. He was supreme of both worlds – present and future. But he had no option but to leave the both worlds and become resident of Past. Pride is neither present nor future.

I can’t survive


Loud and clear as the fog in my mind settled as Chhorda leaves my body and spirit slowly, as I recover from Nadir the point below which I could not sink – I realize I can’t survive.

Not even a spec in me that I think belongs to me – a cell, a thought, a possession, a faculty, a relation I can maintain unless allowed by puppet master. This very moment I may lose any some or all. I can’t wear newer glass or hear aid or do yoga to lengthen life of some part of me.

I can’t clutch anything – doctor medicine voodoo philosophy internet video game talking writing or do anything to escape from thinking – ‘I can’t survive’ even minimally being part of history and in archive somewhere in the internet.

If I do, I have not learnt ‘I can’t survive’.

While sinking down the oily pole I have been climbing like a monkey going up 10 inches sliding any number of inches depending on the weather, it never occurred to me why should I be climbing at all. Why can’t I just slide down or why don’t I loosen my clutch and SEE what happens!

Why do I have to survive? How do I survive? Do I do something else than eating sleeping playing and being non-serious or even very serious? How does it matter what I do, when the end result is same – “I can’t survive”.

I may start counting mentally or start counting days in calendar and get excited about living though another day of surviving and congratulating myself for my good fortune – if it is really fortune.

I can’t survive this very moment – the paper thin cover on which I am standing can’t support my weight. I can’t walk away to safety in more secured surface. The paper thin surface moves below my feet as long as I am nothing and unimportant.

I can see but can’t acquire or possess – not even memory. I can’t talk or do – any vibration will cause my absence and inability to remember or count and reappear or see the landscape surrounding me.

I can't stop my ever disappearing strength or hasten the process to be empty now. I shall be forever expecting.
What option do I have?
If I am not unconditionally trusting loving giving even to the meanest devil in the earth - I am less than myself and it is unbearable pain.

Why it has to be always against my interest?


I can’t be saved.

"May the Will of Allah be done," a pious man was saying about something or the other.

"It always is, in any case," said Mullah Nasruddin.

"How can you prove that, Mullah?" asked the man.

"Quite simply; if it wasn't always being done, then surely at some time or another my will would be done, wouldn't it?"

Mullah, as usual, is infallible.

As usual, I know at no moment my wish ever be fulfilled. Whatever is happening as per central hub that is linked to every element of the wheel – you may call it the world. I can’t be eccentric unless I am Mullah!

Mullah is pretending to be eccentric – he is at the center and pretends to be like me or anyone who never knows what is at the center.

Mullah is truly the turning point of Human evolution. I can start naming Ages – Neanderthal, Stone, Bronze, Agriculture, Culture, Renaissance, ….

Mullah certainly is before religion made a sweep to give an anchor to frightened humanity threatened with death bent upon building family society country defense etc.

Mullah saw it through to the end only come back and pretend to be just like anybody – forever making a joke about human intelligence.

Human intelligence is nothing but foolishness. Human can never see that it has no patience for the same. Only Mullah can show that to human.

In course of time all religion shall die but Mullah alone would survive – “Locked door with a key beside it without boundary – Mullah’s ageless tomb – mockery of human intelligence!”

"I shall have you hanged", said a cruel and ignorant king to Nasruddin, "if you do not prove such deep perceptions such as have been attributed to you." 
Nasruddin at once said, "I can see a golden bird in the sky and demons within the earth." 
"But how can you do this?" the King asked. 
"Fear," said the Mullah "is all you need."

As Mullah incarnation I can stand alone against the entire world and not perish!

"I CAN'T BE SAVED" - who can really break or dent my defense? Destroy me if world can?

Kalpana Misra

I am about finish with my memorial work on Chhorda. There is little to expect. All have shown their surprises and praised him for whatever he has done without asking anything.

Some did not say anything! ABRaha, RVRamurthy, Subramaniam Ramakrishna, Somesh Bagchi, TKrishnan, Joseph Mathew, Ritabari etc. Some of them were very dear to Chhorda. For many he did a lot. Somesh da is suffering from lung cancer. Ramurthy has suffered a heart attack. I bear some ill feelings for Rammurthy and TKrishnan. They are seeking kind and what they get they immediately think it is due to their hard work.

While Chhorda assumed their goodness but they were not good. It did not matter to him either. In one day Chhorda learnt he can’t assume any help from two his sisters and my wife. They definitely were not going to help. He was too perturbed – he had prepared for many years for this eventuality.

I put myself in his position. I too have learnt, I can’t assume any help from my immediate family – my wife my daughter or my son. It is impossible for them to give but they take whatever they getting is their well earned.

Perhaps it is so. My rational thinking is not at all right. It is in fact good for universe that some is fool and giving – while others are sucking and rationalizing.

Yet I truly loved Kalpana didi – what little I saw of her at Nightingale. She had very little to give but brought her relatives one after another to meet Chhorda.

Amar Asusthya Mone, Susthya Hober Ek Matra Asudh - All absent is me - All present is me - There is no barrier separating absent or present - both are indivisibly me.


There is a void where Chhorda used to be

That he is not even a mute listener or even reading whatever I may have to say, I must understand now. That whatever he did is buried and can’t be tied to whoever he was!

I have spent many of the wakeful hours pondering who am I? Now the question arises if I can answer who was he?

Mullah Nassiruddin could be great Mullah because of his donkey when dead – since he becomes incapable moving all by himself that he was never as long as his donkey was alive! But he becomes successful only when his stirring force has left forever!

Mullah realizes that he is nothing only when his donkey is dead! Donkey is effect is doer of all Mullah’s deed.

Mullah is now in possession of all the wealth and honor due to deceased donkey and fortune showered on him since he did not move. I can’t say of course that would not have been a success had he moved along.

Chhorda is gone. The world without Chhorda is still vicious. Little more vicious than when he was. None to understand none to share and none to look forward to. I can’t expect anything. Joya has gone back to counting money and her wild mad meaningless talks.

Yes something to learn from him. Selfless and be giving!

Even if he is the victim of meanness and selfishness of people – I can’t be mean to them. I do not blame me – I tried my best but could not make an iota difference.

Is time changed or same forever. Only a few selfless forever! Rest all selfish forever!

But how do I bear the loss of my brother Kamal – no matter what praise showered on him! My brother is no more is unbearable loss. It does not matter even if I do not talk to him years but he was there and now he is no more!

How do I bear this loss and be happy again with my world?

I have been so lucky to be brother of two extra ordinary souls – Dada and Chhorda. Both left me void. I could not do anything for them. My selfishness took me away from them – I did not talk till I could talk no more.

I was recipient of one sided love from them. If I had any duty towards them I could not perform. Slowly one after another is vanishing and I am unable to do anything.

How do I expect to die? No choice ever ready!

If that be so – truly I can have no grievance about Chhorda’s death; I can’t blame anyone. I tried to move a boulder all alone that was unmovable and stuck to the world. Chhorda was pinned down under the same. I could not remove the boulder and Chhorda died under the boulder. He got lost forever. I got so many messages about hundred – all declaring how great he was!

The end ends everything! I can’t even lament or utter a single word. I am part of the blame. Chhorda too said the same. My greatest gift that I never deserved snatched away from me – I can’t even cry or utter a single word. It is promise of sanity I have made to myself. I have nothing against this world. I am stuck in the ground and open to all abuse by any and everyone including me with my uncontrollable presumptions and expectations – furthermore I am not to use any of my faculty till my last breath till my last heart beat. I am not allowed to disturb – if I do – another life term of prison of hardship.

Each and every leaf of my life tree shall shed my root trunk and branch shall die till death of my consciousness.

Some believe that consciousness is unrelated with body and metabolism – not even related to intellect – phenomena of birth death and material world is caused by it and not the other way round.

For me I think the material world of my senses is total bluff without a single element of truth in it. I do not have to make any more sense out of it.

World is a discrete finite stream of bubble one at a time.

I stand by all my words actions and thoughts – I have nothing to hide and nothing to reveal – I expect all eventuality – I deny myself nothing.

I avoid nothing. I am nothing. All is nothing. I have been given so many opportunity infinite time to learn one thing - nothing - to be pure despite all learning despite all judgment all opinion all truths.

This very moment is supreme and divine - I am fulfilled - I desire no more. Happiest to be alive at this very moment.

Who am I?

I am all, all is always me. I enjoy being all or some. I enjoy being none and nothing. I enjoy being silent inactive or absent. I enjoy being noisy and active. I enjoy all or some or any loss including my life without any help without any thought or action. I must enjoy forgetting all these forever. I do not even try to remember this again in my life. I shall not look this up again ever.

I am absolute and I can't be otherwise.

On timeless literature

Good work or bad work I do not understand, especially when it is academic work. I am untouched with research and knowledge. I find all very trivial or not understandable. The reason or motivation is earning money then it is equivalent to the same, what is good or bad about it. They do not impact anybody’s life, or do them.

I read Socrates in Wikipedia, learnt the last words of him, asking Crito to pay a debt he has incurred the Greek God of medicine. He drank poison hemlock. It was painless death! Socrates knew that he did not know but it was him oracle declared to be wisest. There is great deal of written material on Socrates and I have read very little.

Statistics Mathematics and many anything I studied have got lost in me. So many things I studied but hardly understood! They played no role in my life. I don’t know what role it played in Chhorda’s life. Reality catches itself – enjoyment is very important no matter how dark is the surroundings.

Even when the entire world is bottom less dark – yet then my consciousness is the light and source of my enjoyment. It is the bottom that has no other bottom.

I got a prospective author who is booking advanced order for his book in Upanishad. I had similar email from Raghu couple of years back. Book writing can’t be source of income.  Frankly I remain ignorant I do know when I get paid or when I am fired. I do not know reason, when I think I know the reason – I am sure to find out it was never so.

Yet I thought once upon a time ancients wrote everything in one language yet some people understood. Today I know multiple languages and I read many a translation and interpretation of ancients’ literature, yet I do not understand!

I wonder those who write them, if ever understood them in the first place. If they do then they won’t ever attempt to translate.

Chhorda in my eyes

Many of the values I have tried to adopt from Chhorda. I was never a studious person, in fact I detested anything if I could not understand in the while I am being told. I did not think if any anything needed hard work just to understand the same. I learnt a lot from him - Induction, deduction, paradox etc. But at one point I could not reconcile accepting tradition. The prevalent of e and pi as constant that has to be associated with any density function! Relationship is so trivial, should be good enough reason to assume any random variable will ever have any relationship with it. It so happens for any large sample the average converges to Normal distribution but it is expected. Suppose we have a density function say C5-x^2  , where xϵ R and C is such that it is a density function. Central Limit Theorem is proved with the help of Characteristics function. For me, my interest in Statistics ends. I yet do not like the role of e or π.


Chhorda is conformist and seeking to climb the top of the ladder of current human knowledge may not laurel. He does not question the merit of this knowledge! He does not even like to doubt its relevance with living, birth or death. He has some amount of calmness in him. He is not climbing any ladder of supremacy. For him win or loss is about same thing. But then he does not then he does not give up so easily. He has the stamina and coolness of infinity. He is ready to give up all he has without borrowing. Once I stayed with him in his hostel as his guest. I did not have any place to stay. The bill was really too much for him to pay – he was defaulting but he never complained. In fact another member asked me if it would not be right for me to leave. I left. Then I was worried about my education – college or ISI. I came back after a month and I was relieved to find that I am called for ISI interview.

Two traits needed for reaching an end – never give up and ready to give up. I think he enjoyed two things – teaching and playing and that is what he did till end.

Yesterday I had strange dream. I was with PN Mukherji, doing some non-sense, when I was told dr Parlimal Banerji has come to treat Chhorda. I told him go ahead and tell me what is required – he said 900 shall do to start with. I said it is OK with me, but I did not tell him lie – I gave him what current perception of his doctors are – they think it is hopeless!

After getting up from dream it took me quite a while to recollect that Chhorda is no longer existing in human body and it has already been gotten rid off. For me he is still living not only in spirit but in body. I still expect to hear from him or about him. Every hour I live with him.


I have been searching for one book ‘Galapagos’. It was haunting me for last two days. I do not want to re-read this book but I wish to download and share. It was a million years long fiction assuming Darwin’s theory still true. Human kind is now humanoid, some kind of sea animal engaged in ecstasy of life, procreation, fulltime. Land is no longer inhabitable and dead – we know due to what – radiation. There is one survivor of human species though in the ghost form living on the mast – the son of Kilgore Trout, the greatest science fiction writer! He was the maker of the ship that wrecked in Galapagos in 1985. The ship load of humans survived and lived in Galapagos – thereafter for million years liberated from law religion education technology or science. They were sufficiently transformed courtesy Darwin’s theory and now humanoids. This collection of ship wreck is under observation by the ghost for million years now. He is so addicted to human nature that he could not leave the tunnel, for million years, which had one open end with a blue color aperture, the sky. Several times his father appeared there and called him to kick this habit of observing and let the world be whatever it is. But he is still attached to human nature in its evolving form (Manushyatara) even when there is no human. 
Galapagos is being written with his left hand little finger in the air with invisible ink. He can’t leave this planet till there is one Manushyatara to observe.
All these above are from my memory. I wished to share the book in electronic form but I give up. I only could locate a Spanish version.

Anyway, I give the link to more authentic overview:

Power of my thought

I went off to sleep. I was strained with thinking. One more thought would break my mind like a camel's back I thought. I have thought enough and for long. Then a sentence came to my mind - those great human minds in the Himalayas - they do not have to travel or leave their co-ordinate to publish anything or change the world or human thinking or even think twice to make change. That they thought once is good enough for this world.

It shall be implemented.


I count my sensitivities – apart from my gum and teeth others are relations. One is already dead. That part is dead too – I can’t find that. But the pain I am suffering from is my son and his reluctance to give a fight towards his graduation. It is too soon he gives up. It costs a lot of money as well as time and net result is negative. As soon as he takes up a course – he is settled that he has an alibi for running after his pleasures and passes time. He loses money and time for a while he blames everyone for his miserable outcome till he gets money to enroll into another course. Obviously he has no intention to give up his pleasures or running after them.

I am seeing it for 5 years now and it hurts me most he has shown no tendency to change. The pain is this it is too unbearable for me. How can he live a lifetime without education! I tried to inculcate some discipline so that he takes up some vocational course but he talks non-sense.

He is addicted to idle talks in café or restaurant. He is addicted to video games. He is addicted to Films. He thinks hard work is weight lifting or physical exercise – running in the park. He draws satisfaction from buying skates’ electronics dress and eating in the restaurant – he considers that as achievement and I become sick. I can’t digest all these activities. I am walking dead man. I wish to die but I have to live to try to make him change his attitude to his life!

Yesterday I prayed to whoever is making me breathe this poisonous atmosphere despite the fact I don’t want to live this failure. I can tell none that I have done my best and given my best yet I have failed. Since it is another human being with totally different priorities and pleasures in life, I can’t change him. He avoids me since he knows what I w9ould be talking and he has heard it many times before. He has made up his mind. Why I don’t know?

Despite all I have to respect Soham as ME AS ME NO LESS BUT PERHAPS HIM as SOHAM whatever be him.

Going round and round in circle but can't reach the center

Night before last I got up in the very early morning with a very strange dream. I received something very important across Yamuna or Atlantic. I am trying to cross the river but can’t – I am getting into deeper and deeper problem. Why I need cross the river or sea, I don’t know exactly but the document I have can’t be changed by me but I can’t stomach it as it is. I have no authority. Any advice I receive or any aid I receive for makes it little more miserable for me. I can’t throw away or forget my document – I am stuck with it as well as searching a way to cross the river or sea. There is no means to cross. I only receive communication but can’t communicate.

Truth is island where I can’t enter. Every day I receive so many communication from that Island I have never visited and I know it exists – the communication is the proof my separation from the communicator is unbridgeable. Only bridge is me – I am the communicator and I am the receiver of the message, and the message is mine but it is too bad a message to receive – I lose my face to all the residents of the mainland. Forever I have to remain silently bear all and I can’t expect any pleasant turn of events – glory love respect or appreciation or anyone remotely interested to listen to me. All the lies thrown to me I have to bear or stomach in silence – I can’t belch defend vomit or argue – I must die before I react!

I am all and all is me and without exception. I can never reject any including my rejection all I have to accept that as it is without a sigh cry or trembling. It is for my honor since I am absolute. I am the message that I have received whatever it describes me even if I had never been so in my life – a complete lie. I have to accept all as me in silence all through my life – right or wrong, lie or truth, good or bad, deserving or not deserving, with reason or without reason, loss or gain, bearable or unbearable.

Oh God,


I can’t say I do not know that you exist since I know you exist and you are the one and only truth. I have known you to be ruthless. You have taken away from me all I loved. I no longer seek strength to withstand loss – I don’t mind dying just now – I do not want my life to be extended even a moment from now. However I beg of you one miracle - please take my life but please cure Soham of his malady of addiction. Please give Soham a life without addiction.

I do not know

I shut my self from the world in my room 

I close all the doors and widows 

I close all my senses 

I shut all dream and my future

I shut my sleep

I only have me and I can't shut myself  from me

What is this me that have been with me without fail always?

I can say nothing about me - although I had known me for 62 years ever since I know the world.

Now that I am alone - what is my sleep? the world is absent. But what is this world? What my senses perceive. What are my senses? They are me. What is the world? It is also me - there is no option. How deep my knowledge of this world? It can't be deeper than Me that I have known 62 years every moment without fail but I do now know anything about me.

I truly don't know Me

I truly don't know the world

I know the world has no option but is Me 

I know there is not a chance of any one thing or event that is not Me - no matter how much I desire

All unknowns unseen in-conceived or future too is Me

I can't make anymore mistake

The depth of my knowledge

I am eviler than demon, worse than Yama, darker than Krishna, I am the last among all inferiors in all time. I belong to the space that only hold me and no other where I am always and I can’t be anywhere else. I am totally misfit any where else. I am sure to be found out. It is doubtful that I would be able to accept the same in silence without any feelings. Yes I am worse than worst.

Any attribute to me is undeserving glorification.

I am in a dungeon the darkest hole in the universe where nothing in any form ray or particle or wave can enter nor can I escape out of it ever. I can’t even see me hear me or feel me – the hole is empty and shall remain so. I shall never know me and what am I look like or what I am. All that I see and imagine are all unbridgeable distance away from me. I shall never know any except superficially as I have only seen them from infinite distance away. 

Under the circumstances there is nothing called Dayva that I know of and expect for any improvement of my situation - either I reconcile to my situation or be unhappy. Neither improves my situation. Nor Soham shall be inclined to give up video game and embrace studies.

HOME - on the road?

As a child I have been fond of sports. I loved swimming. In fact I participated in an inter school competition for sprint. I enjoyed games in a relaxed space but not in competition. I played chess for many hours in my college, enjoyed doing chess puzzles but could not take it up that seriously to mug up all the openings by reading books and playing with myself. I did not have that ambition to top the world. Again in studies too I was not competitive that I have score above anybody or top the class. I did whatever I could do naturally first time and till I enjoyed it.

Why this elaborate introduction? I am watching London Olympics about two hours last few nights and not every day. I am not so hell bent to subscribe to some channel to watch it. I do enjoy but not so much that I must. Somehow I do not appreciate; I can’t appreciate the animal spirit to win somehow and anyhow. I can’t say that those who do are not happy or satisfied or unfilled. I may be rationalizing my inferiority.

I do not watch cricket or football or for that matter any other games. I do not read stories either. Although I carry some books always, but may not touch them for many days. What about going places and seeing places. I go places but do not see much.

I have ceased to be interesting. Weekly I have to make driving for about 15 hours. It often is an effort since I get terribly sleepy but don’t like to stop to sleep and I hate driving when it is dark. I do not know if others do the same I thought about the inhabited island that I live alone. My island of birth and banishment for life there, is devoid of people; furthermore it is devoid of plants rock water or any diversity. It is made of fine sand of same color, that has no memory. I can’t make any foot print. It gets lost as soon as I have made it. I never know if I am going in circles. I have tried to build many castles and populated them with people and characters. I created diversity and surroundings with heaven and earth, gardens, springs and fountains, azure sky and indigo sea and green fields. For a while I wrote poem and sat in the surroundings thus created and read them loud to my eternal love my companion inseparable. I spent hours in silence looking at her eye. I have imagined my death in this heaven and felt the sorrow of separation from my love for ever. It is unbearable.

I had been born the same. What more can I ask? I sit still. I see all disappear before me sublime leaving nothing not even memory. Where am I?

Startled, I nervously look around – did I sleep off, am I on the road! I pinch myself hard. I turn the volume louder. I look at my GPS, and wonder will I make it home this time?


The last two transmissions from Curiosity Rover did not come and swallowed by the God almighty - This is my third try.

Gmail decided to eat away doing the great service. I know they have no pretension to keep my privacy and not read all my emails. Additionally they have informed me that they shall deliver from my email boxes whenever I search Google. In the last few days, I have been informed by all my banks one after another, they can't promise my privacy and they have every right to explore all details anywhere in the world without taking any permission from me since I have an account with them.

I do not get upset. All the hypocrisy to respect my privacy has ended by all authorities - private public government or corporation. I am Bin Laden waiting to be discovered and killed.

I knew it was coming - I preserve my identity and virginity irrespective of how many times I am bloodied in public being a perpetual idiot and a drop out.

This is what I wrote in one:

Waiting for my car at body shop I picked up a Time from side table.

I stopped reading and subscribing to magazine - time news week national geography scientific american or any other. Ever since I discovered me an Idiot I do not any more subscribe to any knowledge however current. Some still come but they go straight to garbage unopened.

Knowledge and I are incompatible.

I flip the cover of Time, in the first page, in the right hand corner there was small photo of Ray Bradbury in an arm chair surrounded by books. I knew Ray has died in June, a terrific loss for Americans, whom most Americans have not read.

There were a few sentences on Bradbury and most of them I did not know. I am not surprised. One, he did not go to college. Two, he did not drive. Three he learnt from reading Heinlein and some other SF writer (Lovecraft?). Then he said something about Norman Mailer - 'if he is reading my book then I have to rethink about writing' ... or something equally strange. But the last what he said took my breath away - 'I am not capable of predicting future and I write about preventing future.'

Yet something was left to be heard from the dead man, 'I believe the outer space is the projection of Inner space'! But this I knew already ever since 'The Illustrated Man' was written in my mind.

The other one is reflection of achievements in OOOOO of a nation of 1.25 billion. It is good job done by Gmail preventing its dispatch.


After becoming nothing, I have started talking in the most beautiful manner
about nothing in many words. In my solitary prison, I cry HU HU, and write whatever
without error whatever my fingers punches; whatever I write - is language and I can't store.
Curiosity Rover in Mar too can't store. It has no option but send whatever that may be - low
resolution - black and white even if it is photograph of Pasadena CA, its birth place
and home town. Whatever it sends is beautiful and without option to be otherwise.
Distance in between filters whatever needs to be filtered since human being is not adult enough
for viewing XXX Movie. But it has to send and so am I. Its search is limited by 150 miles radius
till it breaks down or out of energy. My search is limited by Google. Both of us are writing for
terrestrial consumption to liberate 6 plus billion humans in this lonely planet at the
outer edge of milky way.
I may be considered already success I have been able to liberate two - at least one surely and
I can't mistake. One has already opted out of my mailing list. My wise and beautiful words shall
not reach them.
The place I am located - I have already described - it is all sand - same color -
same size and memory less. I tried to create any number of impression - as soon as I am done -
it is just not there. Here I can't go on in circles or straight lines or triangles and I shall never
know. I can't make foot print. I may search my memory all my time and I shall never know.
My pictures are all low resolution - I draw with all colors but what reaches anyone in the lonely
planet of 6 billions I would not know. I only come to know when one is liberated. I am separated
from the lonely planet by unbridgeable distance and a demon called God almighty it filters
whatever it pleases.
Once I wrote a million pages long epic story of million love and love making
with beautiful paintings of beautiful girls all smiling - handsome torso of strong and gentle boys
- the demon filtered everything but for nails and teeth and as for words everything but articles
- a an the.
I do not know what shall reach you from this time in low resolution - all because of that brainless
peon - call it by any name - almighty or demon or god - that occupies the vast space between you
and me. I have to write as fast as I can - I have to rush it through this only Peon since my birth
place and the island of domicile is memory less. I shall never know what beautiful words I just thought.
I write about TRUTH.
And TRUTH only.
I can't write anything else.
Truth is that the island inconceivably vast unlimited memory less and of same color and I live alone.
Every moment as soon as born in this island becomes another grain of sand of the same color. Each sand is indestructible although it is a moment only and past as soon as it is born and adds only to the vastness.
I take any one grain of this sand - I look at it closely - I see a moving episode of all color - a reality - a love - a living - an ecstasy - a grief - a frustration - a deception that touches my heart so much that I lose consciousness and the awareness of the sandscape that surrounds me. I cry out loud - "Why this deception Why this Killing Why this Pain - Why the reality could not be otherwise - a story of joy and sharing! Why human being is inhuman!"
Truth can't be otherwise.

Haiku in prose

Long ago I read a story.
It is about a collection who are unemployed and their status may not change. They have no
activity but have time. They spend day time playing cards. They don't have money to make it
interesting they use matchsticks instead.
In a lonely abandoned bridge they gather in the evenings to straighten their minds and enjoy
the emptiness of life and surroundings - dark starlit sky and earth below.
They share the same cigarette passing it around - they have nothing else to share.
In the dark, one of them brought out a cigarette and tried to lit the same.
He tried with several match sticks but did not succeed.
Silence followed, then one spoke, "some among us is using match sticks with mud tip."

Bank Transfer

There was a bank transfer - it is quite a huge number. I have mixed feelings though -
worried about my taxes - how to avoid them. I am worried for another reason.
It is anonymous source of fund. I may be asked to explain - why did I make my bank
details public. I only advertised in Craigslist to sell my twelve years old Dinning Table and
Let me go to sleep. Tomorrow I shall have to open many CD accounts in as many banks and
transfer $250000 in each.
A very busy day ahead. My business shall multiply if more such transfer takes place in future.


The reason I have to be silent: I simply do not know what is good and what is bad; I am not intelligent enough.

The reason I do not have to be silent: I simply do not know; it is best to express so instead of erroneously guiding any. There is no way to express my ignorance but via language when I am no more.

I am no lover of democracy in whatever form. I am not fond of autocracy by any norm.

Had I been living in India and in Bengal, how would I have behaved?

In the same way, I am behaving now wherever I am now – an isolated island unknown in universe and can’t be seen or located by any sensor however intelligent and sensitive! This island is memory less as much as it is not life supporting.

Memory less ness (property) evoked some memory – that of Martingales.

Now again I shall be a talking idiot since I don’t know.

In probability, martingales are games – no amount previous playing, practice or experience would help you to develop any winning strategy or increase your chances winning martingales. They are not what another Statistician, Bays, in a previous generation thought – knowledge or experience increase your chances of winning.

What do I know about martingales?

I know almost nothing. I could go no beyond its definition. I told my teacher that I too am memory less – you may derive or go on teaching but I would never learn about martingales unless – I am someone or something.

I am memory less and an idiot. All my experiences even if I gather knowledge and keep them under my finger tip via internet google or amazon and cloud, my chances of winning is O nor can I improve upon my chances.

Before I truly recognized myself as an idiot, however I went around and drank knowledge of esoteric think tanks and assumed many theories and logic. I assumed infinity, I assumed Axiom of choice, rules of logic, and rules of counting and numbers of various kind with many properties and their languages. At the end I realized I do not have enough intelligence to know and be proficient in any of these languages.

Is my life a martingale?

I create worlds and they vanish as soon as I am finished.

I have liberated three so far. I am finite and I can only decrease! I am a success when I reach O. Nothing to do thereafter - not even write.